“Here! Have one, they’re my special recipe.” … “I got these for you, I know you’ll love them!”

Food pushers.

They exist everywhere: in the office, in our family, in groups of our friends. 

So, how do we shift our thinking and speaking so that we can push those food pushers in another direction and away from tempting us with their fattening good intentions?

I am so glad you asked.

Because in the 63rd episode of Thin Thinking Podcast, you are going to find out how to overcome those food pushers whether they’re your colleague, your friend, or even your closest loved-one.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

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Rita Black: Here have one. They're my special recipe. Look, I got these for you. I know you love them. Have another one. Why don't you? Food pushers. They exist everywhere, don't they? In the office, in our family, in groups of friends. How do we shift our thinking and speaking so that we can push those food pushers in another direction and away from tempting us with their fattening good intentions. Put that Costco sample that was pushed at you down and join me for episode 63 of the Thin Thinking podcast.

Rita Black: Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn't start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That's right, the key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I'm Rita Black. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, weight loss expert, best-selling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process. And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery, I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict, and binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years. Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I'll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need. Not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long-term and live your best life. Sound good? Let’s get started.

Rita Black: Hello and come on in, I'm really excited for today's episode. We're gonna get down and dirty with some topic that a lot of people have been asking me about. So I'm going to get into it, but you know, I'm also just, I'm warning you, I'm not going to be tired because I'm very excited, but I am a little exhausted because all of last week my daughter was home and she was only home for one week this summer. We had to squeeze in, we'll see her in England. We are gonna go to England at the end of this month for a wedding. My husband's cousin's daughter's wedding . That was a mouthful. But no, my daughter has got this internship research job in Germany and really excited for her. It's a great opportunity. They're paying her, they're paying her flight. So that means we don't have to pay anything, which is always good news. But you know, she is, she's so crazy. She's fluent in German, you know, as she was just like, as a kid, she was like, I want to learn German, and I was like, okay. And she just started doing Duolingo and then she started taking lessons. And anyway, here she is, she's almost fluent in German and she's gonna get to go immerse herself in that world and so excited for her, but we had a cram, all of like a summer of family time into a week, you know, and so I'm a little sad too that we'll miss her but I'm really excited for her. And you'll be interested in the fact that she is researching... This is kind of cool, she's at this university in Germany and they're researching the neuroscience of cravings.

Rita Black: So I'm gonna be on the cutting edge of brain science and cravings and I'll be reporting back to you on all of that. So, as we head into our summers, I wanna explore a topic I see many people struggle with and many people have asked me to talk about which is food pushers. You know, those people in your life who despite you are telling them that you are trying to lose weight, they still wanna bring you food, push food, and tempt you with food. Because we are all starting, like I said, to be social again and there are lots of type of different feeders so I would like to explore their psychology and then tools to deal with their forcing food upon you.

Rita Black: But here's the thing I wanna kind of get clear before I get into this conversation or this session with you is, I wanna give you, dear listener, a little bit of tough love, my thin thinking friend. And this is the love. You are not, you are not, and never will be a victim of a food pusher. I will repeat that you are and never will be the victim of a food pusher. You see, it is fat thinking to ever think that we are a victim of anyone or anything when it comes to our weight. I know that's radical but hear me out. I'm just laying down the law because I truly love you and I know that whenever our mind is in a victim mode, we are in pain or resentment and our creative facility in our brain has no way of being clever or creative or solving the problem at hand so we stay stuck and feel powerless and let me restate that we are powerless, not powerful, powerless. So we need to take 100% responsibility for our weight mastery. And at no point, do we have the luxury of thinking of ourselves as a victim of any food pusher.

Rita Black: You are a warrior my friends, remember hero's journey, you are a warrior. Remember weight mastery is that hero's journey and food pushers are gonna be a part of that journey without a doubt, don't think maybe not! Oh yes, they're coming, the food pushers are coming as a little army towards you. And you, my thin thinking friend will have your own inner mental shield to protect yourself. You will have your own magical weapons in your mind, your words, your ability to think ahead, to preplan.

Rita Black: You know, haven't you noticed that food pushers don't just disappear the moment you decide to lose weight and very often they get pushier, right? And is it up to them to stop pushing? No! No, no. That's what they do. They push food. That's, that's what they are but it is up to you to either change your relationship to how you respond to the pushing or to help them see that not pushing food at you will actually serve them better. Not you, they don't care about you really. I mean, you know, they do but their food pushing is about them. But you've got to help them see it's in their favor and their best interest and their outcome is gonna be a lot happier if they start to change their behavior. So, some of you have heard this and some of you new to the podcast may have not. My favorite thin thinking saying is resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You know? So, we're drinking a lot of poison when it comes to getting mad at those food pushers and it's time to stop, stop drinking the poison. You're too good for that. That's not who you are. You get me. The moment you take responsibility is the moment you have the power and can truly change things on a deep level love. , I'm really doing well today, a level in your life, including the food that is pushed at you. So, here's the thing about all food pushers. They are not really bad or evil, they just want to be loved and connected to you and in their primitive subconscious mind, that connection is food. So let's explore the psychology of two of the biggest types of food pushers. I realize there's lots of types out there. We could write a novel on this. Maybe we will, but for now, let's just focus on the two that probably are haunting you the most.

Rita Black: The first I will call the love my food, love me food pusher, okay? Meaning the person who pushes food on you for their own glory. This is the host or hostess who wants you to eat their latest concoction. You might be friends with this person, but you know, for our purposes here today, we're gonna say that they aren't in your life enough to be a long term pusher or a consistent constant pusher where things are more personal, but they're more of a general pusher in, you know, all together. And this person typically is pushing food to get your approval or acknowledgement on some level. So if you eat and enjoy their food, their status in their mind is elevated. Um, being able to feed people is a generous act, a noble act, a caring act, and you're eating their food is acknowledging all of these qualities. It is also in a way you are accepting of them. You're you're accepting of their food is really an acceptance of them. You are taking them in, taking in their offering in a way you are accepting them. It's really primitive, right? So the challenge is that they have you cornered in their home or at a party are at a barbecue with that cake or that hors d'oeuvres, or that plate of nachos right in front of your face. And you could say no, I get it. But we don't say no. Our conscious, our subconscious mind is not programmed to say, no. We are social beasts. We want to be nice. We don't wanna rock the boat. And again, we don't wanna reject the host. We don't wanna reject the person who is the food pusher. So here's so thin thinking tools to use with the love me, love me food pusher. And it is important first and foremost, to understand deep down underneath all the effort they put into that food that they are pushing the food that they bought or they made that are they're pushing, is the need, the deep, deep need and desire to be loved and to be enough. And don't we all want that? Don't we all want to be enough?

Rita Black: So they aren't so horrible. So the first important thing is to understand, to have empathy for them and not think of them as evil but that they're a human being who just wants to be loved and wants to be enough. And it is important to separate the food that they're offering from the acknowledgement that this human being needs. They've worked hard, they, you know, are having you over as an act of love and connection. Not really to, you know, stuff everybody's face with food. That's what's on top of it but ultimately it's, you know, a community, a connection wanting to be together. So, here's one idea is that you can make a lot of OOS and OS about what they're offering but decline nicely and letting them know that you appreciate the food but are too full or let them know that that particular food product causes issues for you or that the sugar makes you feel awful the next day.

Rita Black: So, you know, one way you might say is like, oh my gosh, that looks amazing. Oh, you did such a great job. And you are such a thoughtful host. I mean, you know, you're not gonna say all of that and oops, good my notes. You're not gonna say all of that, but, you, you wanna say it in a way where you're being honest with them, like you really, that's why it's important not to resent them in that moment or feel overwhelmed by them but to expect it and to then give them praise that feels honest to you, but to also let them know that there's some, you know, like that you're too full or, or just say, no, thank you. No, thank you, I'm gonna pass for the moment. But look at that, look at how beautiful that is. You just really did a great job because in that way, you are truly staying connected to them still by just using your words, you are not eating their food, but you are giving them something. You are giving them acknowledgement, true acknowledgement and connection.

Rita Black: So another tool that you can add to this tool of acknowledging your host or hostess and this is really almost, this is very very important part is that you need to practice saying no ahead of time. Why do you need to practice saying no ahead of time? For the exact reason, like, once you get to that social situation, your subconscious mind will kind of kick into gear when we're in social situations our brain gets over stimulated and we tend to act out pretty much business as usual, meaning the old behaviors that we have will probably be repeated, right? So, that's why I always say to clients and students, hey, really thank your game through before you go out to any social event, have an idea of what you wanna do, have a plan in mind and practice, practice saying no to saying no thank you to waiters, food pushers, right?

Rita Black: Oh, come on, have the dessert, have it. No, thank you. Practice that ahead of time so it's already, you're kind of training, training the neural pathways in your brain to say no before you are in that situation, it's gonna be a lot easier to say no then. And what you're also practicing is that feeling of discomfort when you're saying no and no thank you because you will probably feel uncomfortable saying no thank you. It probably won't feel easy. It feels easier to say yes and accept the thing and eat the thing but the problem is that you don't wanna eat it. I'm not saying you don't wanna eat it but I'm saying deep down, you don't wanna eat it. You didn't wanna eat it. It's against what you wanted to do for yourself. You know, I'm just saying again that this is, if somebody's pushing food at you that you don't want, if they're pushing something at you, you do want awesome go for it, but it just doing it to be polite that's when we really start to need to look at our behaviors at the way that we're responding to people and to practice alternative behaviors. Lots of people say no thank you to hosts every day and they're okay, they're fine. They, the host doesn't hate them. They don't take them off the social calendar. You know, we can look somebody in the eye completely acknowledge them and often I'll say no thank you but let me serve that help you serve that or let me help you somehow. I always try to be helpful and to hosts and hostesses. Being a host myself, I understand that they usually need a lot of help. So, you know, again, that there is always gonna be a part of you that just thanks, take the cake, be nice and eat it. But life is going to be full of these, Love me, love my food pushers and you need to take them on. Really, if you wanna have long term permanent weight mastery and I don't mean in an antagonistic way, being the loving, powerful person that you are going and just being clear, and what will happen is over time, people will get to think of you as this healthy person and that maybe they will stop. You know, they might not try to push that food at you not because they don't like you but because they're like, oh, they're probably not gonna want this because they don't eat cheese or they told me that sugar doesn't agree with them and so they'll remember that in their mind. You know, and you're not gonna die and your host isn't gonna die if you say no but just give them that acknowledgement and so that they feel that you're connected to them and that you appreciate them. You know, you might even practice standing in front of a mirror and saying, no thank you. Wow! That looks amazing. You're such a clever baker but I have to pass because, flour, I'm just allergic to it. You know, and you don't have to say, you know, what is, what's that old saying makes me break out in fat. Right? You don't need to say that but you know, you just might say, I, well, I'm gluten intolerant or oh, whatever it is, you know, everybody's got some sort of allergy nowadays, right. So it's not that hard to say, you know, whatever's, you know, that I eating that is not gonna help me feel better tomorrow in some way or capacity.

Rita Black: So I'll just tell you a quick story. So I was at a St Patrick's day party, you know, about a month ago, two months ago. I don't even remember how long ago, where are we? We're in, we're in May. Yeah. So it was a couple months ago and I hadn't seen my friends. I mean, you know, it was two years, we'd gone every year my friend has the St Patrick's day party and we go and they, you know, make corn beef and a lot of food. And my friend tends to be a big of, a bit of a party animal food pusher and, you know, alcohol and all that. So I actually, you know, and again, I'm maintaining my weight. I'm not trying to release weight, but it was like, I had eaten, I just decided I'm going to eat before, I don't even wanna eat that food that they're serving. I just wanna go be with people. I just wanna have an amazing conversations. You know, that's usually what my goal is now, you know, because I, that's what I'm, you know, like I'm, I'm not about the food, I'm, I, you know, I love food and I love eating food, but, and now I'm focusing on people and connecting and all that stuff.

Rita Black: So anyway, I go and we're going at the party and I have an amazing conversation with one woman and then we go down to the garden and we're sitting there and I have I'm in the middle of this like very amazing conversation. And the hostess comes around and she shoves, she just literally shoves a piece of green cake in my hand. And the hostess, I have to say is a lovely person, she's, you know, my friend who hosts the party's wife, and she's just like an amazing human being. And, you know, she, and my friend and his wife love food, love, you know, parties, love being gregarious and giving people, oh, eat this, we're all eating cake and it's amazing and all that stuff, right? So there was a lot of jour de la vie going around. And so I had that piece of cake in my hand, as she came in, she kind of, you know, gave it to me and the person I was speaking with who was a naturally thin person, just let me tell you this, okay. And I looked at the cake and I was like, I don't wanna eat this cake, it's green. But other than that, it, I mean, it smelled okay but I was just like, I'm, I wasn't hungry even to have three bites of it. I didn't, I didn't really wanna have it. It was really sugary and I didn't wanna spike my blood sugar and, you know, I, you know, I just didn't want it. So, but I held on to it. It was in a napkin. She handed it to me with a napkin and, and I looked her in the eye and I was like, you are so great. Like, this party is so fun. You have amazing friends and look at you, you made a green cake who does that anymore, you know, and she was, she loved it and she got it. She got like, I appreciated her. I appreciated everything she was, which I really honestly did. And then she went on her merry way and felt acknowledged. She didn't even know that I wasn't going to eat that cake, which I had no intention of eating. And I just kind of held on to it. And what was interesting was I watched this naturally thin person eat one bite of the cake and be like, oh, this is really delicious. And then she kind of stopped eating it. and both of us just continued the conversation, both holding these green pieces of cake in our hands. And I noticed she kind of crumpled up the cake and kind of put it, you know, just down on the table. And I, you know, over the course of our conversation kind of folded my napkin over it. And I actually just, I think I left with the cake in my hand kind of crumpled up and, you know, dumped it in a trashcan on our way out.

Rita Black: But it was interesting to watch how, and I, and how I learned about doing this was from thin people, watching them at parties like birthday parties a lot of times, it's not that often people don't eat birthday cake, a lot of them do. But many thin people will say, thank you, you know, for this piece of birthday cake and they'll eat a bite or they'll just kind of hold on to it and continue their conversation. And at some point they'll put the cake down the, the table. And I know this also as a former cater waiter who catered many many parties through college and, into, you know, like the first few years of my twenties, a lot of people leave, you know, like take one bite out of their dessert and then they leave it behind. So, the point, or their hors d'oeuvres, or their food or their what have you. So, there is a way of interacting with these food pushers where you can acknowledge them and yet you, and, but you don't have to eat the food and hurt yourself in order to give them the love that they really want. Okay. So I hope that helps.

Rita Black: Now, the long-term food pusher, the person in your life, the, I feed you and therefore I am food pusher. This is usually somebody who you have a relationship with, right? So maybe it's a relation, an office relationship, maybe it's your parents, maybe it's a spouse, maybe it's your kids, or just somebody in your environment that either directly or indirectly has been pushing food at you for years. Now, this is a little more tough because you, it's not just about reacting in the moment, like with the, you know, love me, food pusher. But it really is a matter of beginning to cultivate a long-term solution for a situation that isn't working for you on a consistent basis, right?

Rita Black: So, I had a client recently who was, you know, has been married to her husband for over 30 years, and he is a naturally thin person and can eat as much cookies and cakes and all that stuff. But this client not only struggles with her blood sugar, but struggles with her weight. And so having those foods and, and she's worked very hard in making her environment free of these, you know, things that she used to struggle with. She got rid of bread, she got rid of all these, a number of things for herself really made great strides, but her husband was still leaving his cookies on the counter. And then she was having to have a relationship with those cookies and say, no, no, no, break down, eat them. And over and over again, now this was going on for years. So, you know, and, and she really felt, you know, very resistant about, you know, she had asked, asked him to remove them, yelled at him, don't do that! You know, I'm trying to lose weight, blah, blah, blah, you know, screamed and yelled and screamed and yelled. And he, you know, he'd take him away for a day and then they'd always end up back there.

Rita Black: So what do you do in a situation like that, where you sort of have this defensive thing going on, don't bring it to me. Yes. Or, and they continue to bring it to you, or what do you do when, you know, you don't wanna hurt somebody's feelings. You know, so, let's go back to the psychology of that person. Again, they love you and probably unless they're an officemate, but then they really like you usually, and really, they get flooded with dopamine, the reward neurotransmitter, thinking about how much you will love them for getting you the snack that you want, or the food that you want, or that they think that you want. Even if they think that you are trying to lose weight. Here's the interesting part. You've kind of trained their brain from past experiences that buying the ice cream or the cookies and giving them to you. You might have been a bit mad, but you ate it and they saw that, as a victory. They saw that as you accepted their love, right? Like, so cuz again, this is a way that they connect with you by giving you food. And again, to go back to that whole thing of you are not a victim of them is that really you have to acknowledge and take responsibility for the part you have played in this. Really, this habit between the two of you, which is you've accepted their food. Now again, you might have done it and just not to rock the boat or do waves, but that even doesn't matter at this point, the point is that this habit has been formed in their brain, they're in the habit of doing this and you're in the habit of accepting it and, and, and you have been challenged.

Rita Black: So, yes, these food pushers may sabotage you, not because they're evil, but because they just also don't want change. So, if you're trying to get healthy. Again, you are getting healthy, may be a challenge for them, meaning they might be afraid that you're gonna divorce them and go off with some other healthier person or that you will be more strong and assertive. So basically, at the end of the day, they are in a habit with you or there is a fear that, that change that the change that you are gonna have by losing weight is threatening them in some way. So it is up to us to now recognize that. And again, not get mad at them because the problem with getting mad at them and antagonistic about this is that it, what happens in their brain is they get on the defensive and when their brain is on the defensive, they don't hear anything you're saying and their brain, because their brain is frozen in defensive mode, their subconscious mind doesn't get trained. So, they're going, there's gonna be upset, but there will be no change that takes place if you get pissed off with them and say, you always do that and you've gotta change. No, no. The situation has got to change. And you are thinking about the situation who you are being in that situation has got to change. You've got to clear up your side of the street and then ask and ask for them for some behavioral change on their side of the street.

Rita Black: So I have a technique called the hamburger technique. Now, going to the hamburger technique in great depth in a episode called the hamburger technique. You know, it's in an earlier podcast, I think at podcast 24. I, I'm not exactly sure. I'm not positive what that, but, but I'm gonna walk through it now quickly with you and it's a great little technique for asking for somebody's change, to help, help change for you.

Rita Black: Okay. So the first part of the hamburger technique is, to, well, even before we get to the hamburger technique, to have a vision of what you want in this situation, like, in that situation with my client, really all she wanted was for her husband to stop leaving his cookies on the counter. She didn't care if he bought cookies, she just didn't wanna see them. So, but he, you know, he kept putting them out and kept the ice cream in the freezer and they had a back, he had like a guest, they have a guest house where he has actually an office and I was like, well, why doesn't he just keep everything out in the guest house? And, and she's like, I've asked him, but he keeps ringing it in. I was like, yes, now, but you now need to train him. So when he does do that behavior, you're, you're gonna just be clear with him. Like, when you leave, you know, I love you very much, when you leave the cookies on the counter, they really are painful for me because I have to have a relationship with them. I don't wanna have it. And I know you love me. I'm getting ahead a little bit with the hamburger technique because you're really appealing to their humanity. You're saying, I know you want the best for me and I know you want me to be healthy and feel good and have good blood sugar. And I really know that, that your intention isn't for me to feel tempted and to get sick. So, but I know you're also in the habit of leaving your cookies in here, maybe it's more convenient, maybe you like having them on the way to the kitchen, but I'm gonna ask that you stretch this for me and that you keep your cookies in the back house. Now, if I find them in the house, what I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna move them back to the back house or I'm gonna ask you to move them to the back house. And if, you know, for whatever reason, you, you know, this continues, I'm just gonna throw them away, but I'm gonna give you a warning and I'm gonna let you know, but I'm gonna let you throw you throw 'em away. So I said, you know, are you willing to have this conversation with him? And she said, you know, she, after a little like, eh, she said yes, because she got it. She was like, this has got to change. I have got to change in the situation. You know, I can't continue to be a victim. And she isn't really, even if you can see this, a victim of him, she's a victim of something between them, like this idea that she's created, that, and you know, the, the, you know, at the end of the day, he's putting cookies on the counter. At the end of the day, she doesn't want the cookies on the counter, cuz they're a temptation to her, something has to change there. So they can't just keep dancing around it. They've got to change the dance.

Rita Black: All right. So she had to get really clear, like the beautiful vision of what she wanted was just that nice clean counter free of all the crap. Cuz he would put other crap on the counter too, like his papers and pens and paperwork from work. She was like, I want them all gone. so she got this vision.

Rita Black: And then, you know, I taught her the hamburger technique and I'm gonna teach it to you. And why it works really well is because you are using their subconscious mind and your subconscious mind in a way where they are not gonna get defensive because what she said to me is like, whenever I bring it up, he's he just starts yelling back at me. So obviously here are two people, like not hearing each other in the situation. So you need to begin and what I mean by the hamburger technique is soft bun, meat, soft bun. Okay. So the soft bun is acknowledgement, and what I mean by that is similar to the other tool that we talked about, about acknowledging your host is you really wanted truly, and sincerely acknowledge that person for who they are and for what was behind their, you know, pushing food on you. Like, you know, I love you, and I love the fact that every Saturday you greet me with bagels because you know, it's our Saturday thing that we do and you're such a romantic and I love that about you. So in that one sentence, you're disarming them and letting them know what a fantastic person that they're romantic, that they're thoughtful, that they're generous. That you get that where they're coming from isn't evil or corrupt or you know, even if it is you want to just really appeal to their humanity and also appeal to their ego and say, Hey look, you are an amazing person that you're doing this for me. I get this. This is not that you're a jerk, so thank you.

Rita Black: Here's the thing. And then you give them the meat. So at this point their brain is open and pliable and connected cuz you guys are connected now. You aren't in this, you know, squirrel brain, you know, at each other. You're connected. Because by saying that you are also opening your heart to them, you know, you are, it's forcing you to feel loving feelings towards them as you're saying it, right? So your subconscious mind is open. Their subconscious mind is open. It's all good. Now we're ready for the next step, which is the meat and the meat is what you need, but you're asking for the request and you're keeping it on your side of the street. So you're not saying you need to stop bringing me bagels though. You're like, you know, when you bring bagels, which is generous, what happens is I eat the bagels and I know it's a fun time for us, it seems, but here are the repercussions for me, it makes me feel bad about myself, it rises my blood sugar. Afterwards, I feel guilty, I feel bad. I spend the next three hours loathing myself or whatever or overeating because I eat the bagels and they set off, you know, my carb zombie.

Rita Black: Whatever you say, you are keeping it on your side of the street and letting them know what it's like in your world in a painful way, you know, because of what, not what they're doing, but you know, what the bagels do or what the pizza does or whatever, right? And, and, and you can go as far as to say, I know that our eating bagels together is our romantic intimate time, you know, because I think it's also important because for that person, who's gonna be fearful when you change and you are losing weight and you don't wanna sit and eat bagels anymore. Guess what that means to them. It's not really about the bagels but they don't get that intimate connection romantic time with you that they've, the bagel in their brain is the portal into intimacy and romance with you. So when you want it taken away, their brain thinks you're taking away intimacy and romance as well. So you wanna consider that when you're making this request, but you wanna say, look, let's be intimate and romantic in some other way, like making a healthy breakfast together. You know, sitting on the couch together and watching TV, going for a walk together, going for a bike ride together. I wanna spend intimate, romantic time with you. Hey, maybe, you know, even being intimate and romantic instead of the bagels. Whatever, you know? But you're letting them know that the deeper need they have is still gonna be met and that you're aware of what that deeper need is. And, and that will, again, that's going to keep them connected and they'll also get like, oh yeah, that is painful for you, okay. Now, they, they might continue to persist with this behavior.

Rita Black: So the last part is the soft bun is because, you know, like, so please don't bring bagels anymore, but let's make a healthy breakfast on Sunday or, you know, don't leave your cookies on the counter. I know, you know, you've got busy days and I know you, you know, love to have your cookies there and you know, you, you think that I enjoy them, which I do, but they're, they're killing me. They're raising my blood sugar and I know you really are on my team. And I know you really want the best for me. I have this vision of a clean counter. Can you help me fulfill that vision? And, you know, I promise you we'll, we'll have, you know, a great time, you know, like, I can find other, ways that we can enjoy our time together other than, you know, like, the cookies on the counter. That one didn't come out so well. But I think her focus wasn't so much. It was his focus wasn't so much about intimacy. It could have been forgetfulness for the most part on his part. So I think her just reminding him and just saying, you know, I know you've got a lot going on in your day and I know the cookies, like there is just more convenient for you, but I'm gonna ask that, that one extra step that you have to take to grab the cookies from the outside house is just gonna make me so much healthier. And in the, in the long run, you know, that I wanna live a long and healthy life with you and that is my main job here. So if you can help me help you and then, you know, blah, blah, blah. So, um, and then you're, you're find, you know, leaving it on a lovely, connected tone because the bagels in the morning. You know, it isn't really about the bagels, it's about us being together on Sunday morning and I really love my Sunday mornings with you. You know what I mean? So that is the hamburger technique. And I hope that you can now kind of take these tools and think about them and think about the different, but you really want to, you know,

Rita Black: In closing here, I just want to remind you that you, these are solution points for struggle points in your journey of weight mastery, and they don't have to all be solved tomorrow. But what you wanna start to do is observe them and then start to, you know, get your inner coach within you to say, well, you know, this is a problem I can solve. How can I solve it? I need to take responsibility for my part in this. And once you do, you start coming it from that perspective, you're gonna see a solution. But only focusing on that person, what they're doing the wrong they're doing you, the problem is there. They're giving them all the power and you got to take your power back and come from you. And maybe you'll ask for something and maybe you won't get it right away, but you keep going because you'll find a different way in. There's, you know, many, many ways to solve a problem. So your creative brain will be more creative when you're relaxed and believe in yourself than when you're resenting somebody and mad and feeling like a victim. You don't have power there, you have power when you are coming from yourself. Okay.

Rita Black: So I hope that this has been helpful for you. And you know, let's take a nice deep breath and send a loving wave to all those food pushers out in the world. I hope they all get what they need in life in ways other than pushing food. Wouldn't that be great for them? And, you know, you yourself may push a little food. I know I'm certainly, you know, guilty of being a food, food pusher every now and then. I was a lot more of a food pusher back when I struggled with my weight. But, you know, so by healing yourself and healing those situations in your life that also might, you know, be some of a lesson for you and your own needs and wondering like, oh, where are my, you know, I certainly know I got a lot of self reinforcement from having people Ooh and awe about my food and my cooking, but you know what my journey is I still serve people food, but I now don't push it and I serve really healthy, tasty food that, you know, I know is pretty much in line with most everybody's health goals, for the most part.

Rita Black: So, I hope this has been helpful. You are amazing. And just remember that you can subscribe to this podcast or you can go into the show notes and, and I'd love questions or I'd love ideas for episodes because this podcast came from people saying, I wanna know how do deal with food pushers. So you people out there who asked, I hope this helped. So have an amazing week and remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you so keep listening and find it.

Rita Black: Thanks for listening to the thin thinking podcast. Did that episode go by way too fast for you? If so, and you want to dive deeper into the mindset of long term weight release, head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com, that's www.shiftweightmastery.com, where you'll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release tips, strategies, and more, and be sure to check the show notes, to learn more about my book From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind For Permanent Weight Loss and to learn how to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.