Rita Black: Have you ever been curious about gastric sleeve surgery and what the experience is like? Or maybe you're someone who lost weight after this procedure but after the honeymoon phase was over, you began gaining weight back? In this week's episode, I interview Paula from my monthly mastery community. Paula came to shift after releasing weight with the gastric sleeve but then her weight loss came to a standstill, far above her ideal weight. She realized that though the surgery shrunk her stomach, it didn't change her thinking. Come inside today's episode where Paula generously tells her story with the gastric sleeve and the need to change her thinking that followed.

Rita Black: Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn't start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That's right, the key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I'm Rita Black. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, weight loss expert, best-selling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process. And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery, I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict, and binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years. Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I'll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need. Not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long-term and live your best life. Sound good. Let’s get started.

Rita Black: And happy June. How are you? I wanna thank all of our amazing listeners out there from all over the world. I am truly inspired by you and your comments about the show and how it's impacted you. And I love spending this time in the world of thin thinking with you. There is such a need to come back to ourselves. Isn't there? I feel like the world is just like spinning faster and faster and where all of our attention is so distracted out there. And so splintered between all these things. And what I love about our time together is it is a time to come back to center, to come back to you. And I think we just need more and more of that, just so much more so, and the way we communicate with ourselves, it's just my in sincere intention that this show is a place for that. Just to get tools, inspiration, and love. And I want to address podcast topics that you would like to listen to. So please, please, please do not be shy and enter your questions or topic ideas in the show notes. There is a link for that and thank you for your support.

Rita Black: So speaking of inspiration, my podcast guest this week is truly a person. You are gonna love her. She is so generous and inspiring. And, she and I sat down and had a really deep conversation about her gastric sleeve surgery and how, even though, it helped her, she lost weight with the sleeve and she was grateful for it. She found that it wasn't enough. It wasn't the magic wand, it wasn't the solution. And she found that she really needed to start to get her mind set right. So I'm gonna let her tell you in her own words. So welcome Paula to the thin thinking podcast.

Rita Black: Hello, welcome Paula. Thank you so much for being here today on the thin thinking podcast.

Paula: Hi Rita. Thank you for having me.

Rita Black: I, as I had said in my intro, everyone, Paula is someone who is gonna talk to us today. I want to ask Paula about her journey. I'm exploring, have been exploring the journey of weight mastery. And Paula, everybody comes to weight mastery in different ways and Paula came on her journey through first starting with the gastric sleeve. But Paula, I wanted to start our conversation with asking you, just to kind of introduce us to you and through your, you know, where were you struggling? How did you know when you were start struggling with weight? Were you young? Were you older in your life? Like where were you when you started your journey with weight?

Paula: So my journey with weight really didn't start being a problem until probably mid-college. I was doing a lot of dancing so I was staying in shape. And I spent a week at, I mean, a summer at a girlfriend's house and she was a gymnast and she showed me that if you could eat anything you wanted, as long as you got rid of it. And she taught me how to do that. And I thought, wow, this is great.

Rita Black:

Paula: Like to eat as much as I want. And then, so I had the bulimia going on and I kept the bulimia up until I was at work and somebody, so this was out of college and I maintained my weight. I stopped dancing, but I was able to maintain my weight because I was bulimic, and then one day somebody said to me, I know that we know what you're doing in the bathroom, we know that you're vomiting. And I said, no I'm not. I just have this, I have this thing. And I was working for a psychiatric hospital that, and I was working in the alcohol and drug program with youth. But obviously these people knew what was going on. And it shocked me so badly that I stopped. I actually was lucky that I just stopped the bulimia dead cold, but what I didn't stop was the excessive eating. And so, you know, I went from 140 and through the years, I, my highest weight was 273, which is a pretty big chunk of change for somebody who is 5'2.

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: So I had stopped dancing like I was in college and I kept the massive eating, the binge eating.

Rita Black: Wow. Okay. How long, so how long, how long did you, and in that time of binge eating...

Paula: mm-hmm

Rita Black: You know, and after the bulimia stopped and I totally know about bulimia cuz I was bulimic too.

Paula: Mm-hmm .

Rita Black: And it is a shock when people find out or confront you about it, it's so humiliating and so shameful. Ugh. But for you after you stopped and you just continued to binge, were you doing anything in that time to try to lose weight? Like were you going on diets? Were you...

Paula: well, yes.

Rita Black: Do I need to ask?

Paula: That's when I started every diet known to mankind. Oprah Winfrey's Optifast where I didn't eat for three months, I did Jenny Craig, I did Nutrisystem, I did weight Watchers, I did the cabbage soup, you know, and I could always lose some weight. And then when I stopped doing it, because I'd get sick of it and then I'd just, I'd gain it back. And then after a while I just, it, it was such a struggle. It was really, it was a struggle,

Rita Black: Right?

Paula: Yeah. I tried every diet and diet pills too. Tried those too.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: And ended up with a heart murmur because you know, if you take fend for too long and it was legal then, you end up, many people ended up with a heart murmur and I did, so.

Rita Black: Oh wow, do you still have one or is it...

Paula: I do. I do. Oh, it's not a problem. And when I tell doctors how I got it, they don't seem very alarmed but it's something that's still there.

Rita Black: Wow. So tell us then, what were, what, like, so sort of transitioned you, at what point did you start considering a, you know, gastric sleeve? Like how did you hear about it? What, what, you know, what kind of popped that into your mind?

Paula: I met a woman, who I had, I met her in, I'll never forget. I met her in a restroom and she was looking really pretty. And I said, gosh, you looked beautiful. I just lost extra number of pounds. And I had, oh my God, how did you do that? Oh, I had weight loss surgery. And it made a big difference in my life and you know, I'm so happy. And so I lived with that for several years, always thinking about it, always thinking about it. And then I just got to a point where I just was so disgusted, so fed up, so immobile, so unhappy that I talked to my husband about it, who said, you know, I love you as you are, you don't need it, but he agreed to support me in it. And so I went and had a gastric sleep about, probably about seven years ago, I guess.

Rita Black: Right, right

Paula: seven or eight years ago.

Rita Black: And, and for our listeners who, you know, because often when people struggle, especially with excessive amounts of weight, doctors will recommend surgery, of course.

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: I don't know if a doctor ever recommended surgery to you?

Paula: Yes, mine did.

Rita Black: Okay.

Paula: Mm-hmm .

Rita Black: So, and what made you differentiate or decide between, like a gastric bypass and a gastric sleeve, and maybe you can tell us the difference between the two.

Paula: Right? Actually, at the time, the gastric bypass wasn't around much, didn't hear much about it, but there was something else, I can't remember what it was. It was a band. So actually voices were the gastric band or the gastric sleeve. And from what I learned, I thought that the band wasn't going to be significant enough and the bypass wasn't very popular or well known when I did it. And so, you know, I met all the criteria. I went to the, you have to go through a lot of tests and psychologists and all that stuff. And I was deemed to be a good candidate. And frankly, I thought I was a good candidate for the gastric sleeve. The gastric bypass is more significant, people lose weight a lot faster and usually a lot more but there are more significant side effects with that. There's a dumping syndrome where if you eat too much, you have raging diarrhea or you're vomiting or, and also that your nutritional needs have to be really paid attention to because you're taking in so few vitamins and minerals. So, for me, the gastric sleeve was really reducing the size of my stomach to, I don't know, I guess the size of your fist is what it turns out to be, it's pretty small. But it didn't have the nutritional repercussions. I mean, I still needed and continued to take vitamins, but it didn't have the dumping syndrome and I never experienced any of that. So that was, for me, it was a good choice.

Rita Black: So, and tell us about that experience of, you know, what happened afterwards, after going through the surgery and the recovery and then the, you know, time after,

Paula: Okay. So immediately after surgery, you, you can, you can't eat anything you're on a very soft diet for about a month. And then slowly you start to introduce other things. And during this time I think I had such euphoria. I mean, they call it the honeymoon period for a reason is that you can lose weight very easily. You have no desire to eat, plus you don't have much room to eat. And so it was easy to drop almost 70 pounds pretty easily.

Rita Black: Wow.

Rita Black: Yeah. In the first six to eight months. Unfortunately, then the honeymoon is over.

Rita Black: Right. I was gonna ask you in that time, in that time that you were releasing, or even prior to having the surgery. Did you consider all your mindset around food or was it just...

Paula: Nope.

Rita Black: Let's get that weight off and everything will be okay.

Paula: Yes. Let's get that weight off, once you lose that weight, you will, I really believe that I would have the mindset to continue on. That I would only eat small portions and that, that wouldn't be a problem for me that I would continue to lose. And I didn't consider the ramifications of my brain saying, yeah, no, I'm not doing this anymore.

Rita Black: So when you were in this weight loss phase...

Paula: Mm-hmm .

Rita Black: Or I mean, sorry, the honeymoon phase I would call it. Were you in any other groups of people going through the same thing as you, and are you aware of like, what might be coming up down the road for you as far as like the end of the honeymoon, or were you kind of not in a group at that point?

Paula: I did. I did join a group. The doctor that I had worked with has a group and still has a group. And the people talked mostly about their eating and not at all about the mindset. And they talked about low calorie recipes and eating the right foods. And, and then there were also people in that group that had gained back a significant amount of weight. It was kind of like AA for people with food issues. And so people came and talked about the, you know, they gain 40 pounds back or they gain 50 pounds back but they still wanna lose again. And, and after a while, it just didn't feel like I was getting much out of it. I didn't see a lot of success. The nutritionist who led the program was very enthusiastic, but didn't have a lot of answers other than here are the right vitamins you should be taking. Oh. And people from different pharmaceuticals came and said, oh, you should be drinking this particular shake in the morning. And so they plugged their shake or this particular vitamin. And of course everything was very expensive. And after a while, I just, I wasn't getting anything out of it and I just stopped going.

Rita Black: So you kind of tuned that out.

Paula: I tuned it.

Rita Black: What was it like? For, I mean, at one point I remember going, I spoke at UCLA to a group of people who had gone. I think I had mentioned this to you earlier, but through bariatric surgery. And it was so fascinating to me because there was such a, there were the people who were on the honeymoon and it, there was just like no denying their elation and freedom because when you are in, yes, that much pain around your weight and that struggle to have that lifted so quickly. So, well not quickly, but, and not without pain...

Paula: Quickly. Yes

Rita Black: But, but just, it's almost like a magic pill, right. It is the light of the wand.

Paula: Exactly. And I thought that I would ride that wave until I became a size two.

Rita Black: Right. And, and then, and then the, the shock and horror that I heard from these other people who, oh, well then the honeymoon ended. And, and not only the fact that, because I don't think, I, I don't know enough about it to speak to this, like a professional with regards to any level of expertise, but it just seems like what happens is we turn that disappointment, not on the process, how the process has perhaps failed them, but that they failed themselves.

Paula: Yes. I felt like a huge disappointment to myself. I really felt that I was going to be able to continue. The problem for me is that although I was eating mostly protein shakes and very little food, is that, is that my love for food and excessive amounts of food really went on a back burner. And I had thought that it was gone. And yet after six months of, you know, drinking shakes and eating very little, it wasn't gone. It still was there in the back of my mind saying, you know, this would really taste good, or why don't you eat that? Or, you know, you had the surgery, so you probably lose it. And it just, it would. So then, you know, here I am, after the gastric sleeve surgery, and now I'm feeling like a big failure,

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: Because I'm not remotely close to a goal weight or a weight where I feel comfortable.

Rita Black: So you released a significant amount of weight, but you still had more weight.

Paula: I still have. Yes.

Rita Black: Yeah. Okay.

Paula: I probably have another 60 pounds to go.

Rita Black: Okay. And...

Paula: mm-hmm .

Rita Black: And then, and so there was a transitional period where it went from being able to manage your drinks and the proteins and all that.

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: And then...

Paula: And then you're sick of them.

Rita Black: and then slowly, the other food started to come back.

Paula: Right. And the fast food started calling my name again.

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: You know, and I would be busy spending a lot of my day in my brain planning on what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat it, how I would hide the food from my husband, because, you know, I didn't want him to know, although obviously he guessed it because I wasn't losing weight, you know, hiding food from my husband or not eating those fat foods and only eating salads in front of him. So there was not only the shame, but then, you know, I have the secret and psychologically, it was very, very awful.

Rita Black: Mm. Yeah. I

Paula: It was very painful.

Rita Black: Yeah. Well then what made you, like, what, where, how did you turn that around? Like what, what made you seek out something else? What made you decide? Okay, I've gotta do something else.

Paula: Yeah. My cousin had decided that she needed to do weight loss surgery. So she went ahead and had the gastric bypass, which of course you lose a lot more and you lose a lot faster. And she looked great and, and she was touting it. And she said, you know, why don't you go back? I know you're not happy. Why don't you go back and get the gastric bypass? And you lose the weight that you need to lose and, you know, you'll feel great. And, and I just knew in my heart that it wasn't about the surgery. It wasn't about making my small stomach. Non-existent it, wasn't about more surgery is going to keep me on the straight and narrow. I just knew that what was keeping me overweight, wasn't the size of my stomach. It was my brain, and my brain still was participating in eating food and thinking about food. And I just, you know, I was starting to feel desperate and I thought, you know, maybe that is my only way, except I've already been that way before. I've done that before. And unless I tackle my brain, which is the source of my evil and source of my weakness and all my challenges around food, unless I tackled my brain, I wasn't going to make any progress.

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: So as luck would have it, my niece had gone through this smoking cessation program with you.

Rita Black: mm-hmm .

Paula: And she had been smoke free for six months. Oh my gosh. How did you do that? Oh, well, I went to this Luma and Rita and she did this and I haven't smoked and I don't wanna smoke. And I said, does she have anything for weight loss? I don't know Angie. Well, she did.

Rita Black: .

Paula: Thank goodness. And so that's how I found my way to you. And it just happened that you were just starting another session like in a few days. And I just thought, you know, the money that I was gonna spend, I thought, oh, that's a chunk of change. And I thought you spend that money on fast food in a week and a half. Come on.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: You know, when I think about the money that I spent and not even the emotional pain and emotional weight and all what that was costing me, but I just thought, you know, you, you spend that on fast food for heaven sakes,

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: You, you know, in less than a month, you've spent, you know, all that money and you know what, I'm just going to, you know what, I'm giving this a try, but work for Lexus for smoking. That's pretty hard. I'm gonna give this a try. And here I am. .

Rita Black: So how did you, how did, how did your process, your shift process help you start to put things together for yourself? Like how, I mean, I know like it was hypnosis. So had you ever done any sort of hypnosis before?

Paula: I had not.

Rita Black: Okay.

Paula: No. And there were times, especially in the beginning where I would be laying in my bed saying to myself, I'm not being hypnotized.

Rita Black:

Paula: None of this is working, but, you know, I said that I'm gonna do it. I can do 10 minutes of listening to this. And, and I got all the particulars that, you know, the, the food diary to keep up and all the other booklets that came with it. And I just thought, you know what, I'm just, I'm doing this. I'm jumping in, both feet, I'm doing it. And even though for the longest time, I said, this hypnosis is not working.

Rita Black: Mm-hmm, .

Paula: What I realized was that my thoughts around food and my thoughts around myself and how I was approaching all this was starting to change. Like, and, you know, I don't like keeping the food diary. I didn't enjoy it. And I thought, that's not doing it.

Paula: Mm-hmm

Paula: But at least I got to see what I was doing. But it, that continual hypnosis, when I kept saying this isn't working, yes, it was working on a subconscious level. It made a big difference. And so I really felt good that it was tackling what I knew in my heart needed to be tackled. And that was my brain. Right. And all the things that went with it, you know, the shame, the anger, and the denial, and the, yeah. So this, this checked all the boxes. Plus, the amount of support that you gave people that were going through the program.

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: That was huge.

Rita Black: Right. I think, I think one of the things that you are touching upon that, you know, comes is the, the release from shame, you know.

Paula: Ugh...

Rita Black: Because, so I think,

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: It's one thing that we do in this shift and, and I, you, I think that you, we were talking about this in a way before we turned on record was that we see ourselves in a particular way. And when we struggle with our way, we see ourselves as a struggler, we see ourselves as somebody. And, and again, I would imagine even like when I was bulimic, I saw myself as a bulimic and a binger and, you know, I gotta have all these terms that defined me to myself that kept me in a box. Yes. And I would imagine, and I'm curious, like that self identity of even somebody who went through surgery, if that somehow, I mean, even though the surgery itself, in a way set, you free, at least for a while.

Paula: It did. Mm-hmm, . A good jump start for me.

Rita Black: Yeah. Yeah. And not, not nay saying the surgery at all, because I know it saves many people's lives. Like it, it can really be an asset. But it's not necessarily a complete cure. It...

Paula: I think the problem is I do not regret doing the surgery. What I regret is that there wasn't a brain component. There was a nutrition component.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: There was a go exercise component, but nobody said, this is what you're gonna have to think about. Here are some new ways here. Here's the coach that says here's the rebel. And here's the, here's the critic that are going to try to sabotage you here is the coach that can actually help you and help you stop being so hard on yourself and critical.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: And that has really been invaluable.

Rita Black: Yeah. So what Paula is talking about, for those of you who have not done the shift or read the book or anything, is that, you know, we, when we struggle with our weight, we really wanna develop a self identity if I'm a struggler. And we really tried to open that up and get people out of that struggle identity as an apprentice, like really starting to see themselves with a different identity of somebody who's learning...

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: Skillset, which is the skills of weight mastery, rather than like somebody who's depriving themselves and like, you know, sort of like a social rehab

Paula: And the willpower getting your way through it.

Rita Black: Yeah

Paula: Yeah. This isn't about that.

Rita Black: And then the inner voices that we, we accumulate not only in the area of weight, but in our life where we have this inner critic who is always the perfectionist, always holding us to super high standards as we were talking about before we turned over record and, and, and shames us and makes us feel bad. And then we've got this rebel, who's like, screw it. This is too hard. Let's go get fast food. You start again on Monday

Paula: Or I just, you know what, alright, I'll eat this bag of chips and then I'll, then I'll stop.

Rita Black: Yeah. And then let me finish it up, get it out the house

Paula: Or on Monday. Yeah.

Rita Black: Yeah. Like, let me just finish that bag of chips and get out of the house. And then so, but, and, but what Paula is talking about, the inner coach is really being able, because you do have a powerful voice within you to be rational.

Paula: To be define, be encouraging. And yeah.

Rita Black: And that is, yeah. Especially, I think we're so vulnerable. I could just imagine how vulnerable somebody is, whose body is completely changed in a few months period. And, and I, I wonder in those groups, Paula, if people like lost so much weight, they just didn't know what to do. Like, it was such a rapid change of identity that they didn't have a context to hold that in. Cuz like sometimes I hear these stories about people who like start self numbing because they can't.

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: They'll numb with alcohol drinking. Yeah.

Paula: Yeah. Some of them were starting to drink that, you know, their drug of choice was food and when it wasn't food, they went to alcohol, you know, and if it wasn't alcohol, they went to other activities. Yeah. And people talked about those issues. Yeah. And the alcoholism seemed to be pretty big topic for a lot of those people. And that was kind of scary to me. I, I never had any real interest in alcohol, but I thought, great. I'm gonna trade one, one horrible thing for something. No, I'm not doing that. I'm not, I'm not doing that.

Rita Black: So what, I mean like now here you are. And like what, what do you feel like is your continuing journey for you as far as loving yourself and getting, you know, I know you and I, before we turned on record, we're talking about exercise and, and...

Paula: Right.

Rita Black: Reconnecting. Like what, what for you do you think you learned from this journey with regards to the gastric, like what would, I guess what I'm trying to look for, what am I asking you Paula, I'm like all over the place. I guess I'm asking you, like, if somebody was listening to you and thinking, wow, I'm either considering the gastric sleeve and that might be, or like, should I still do it or should I not. Like, what would be your recommendation for them. Like how would you tell them to proceed for themselves.

Paula: If, if there was a health issue that they really needed to lose some weight pretty fast, or, you know, for me, I had a, a big amount of weight to lose. And so I didn't regret it. What I do regret is going into it, thinking that this was going to be the answer. This was going to be the cure. This was going to keep me from being embarrassed about myself. This was gonna keep me from being so critical about myself. I mean, I didn't have those thoughts, but I think that was the package that I was hoping for. And they are separate entities and they are separate things that I needed and continue to need to work on. And I think if somebody's going into it, they need to be aware that the weight loss and the nutrition while it's all important. I don't think it's the biggest thing.

Paula: I think your brain and how you treat yourself and how you look upon this complete journey is what's really going to make you a success in the long run. It's going to make you feel good about yourself in the long run. And I, I think it's unwise to go into it thinking this is going to be the panacea. This is gonna be my cure. I'm gonna lose weight. I'll keep it off for the rest of my life, because my stomach's so small. By the way, the size of my stomach, I don't think has increased, but as I was able to eat, it didn't matter to me that my stomach hurt. It didn't hurt that much.

Rita Black: Mm-hmm .

Paula: So I would continue to eat and I ate large quantities. And since I've been doing this, I believe that my pouch, my stomach has shrunk back down to the size it needed to be after the surgery.

Paula: And also what you have been talking about, which has been so important to me is the mindful eating, like really taking my time, which is not very hard. And thinking about it after each bite, after, you know, maybe after three bites, am I full? Have I had enough? Have I had enough? Have I had enough? And I find that if I ask myself that question, it's real easy to say, you've had enough. And for me after the, after the surgery and I still have it now, once I've had enough and I wait a couple minutes, I have one hiccup

Rita Black: Oh, interesting.

Paula: Always have a hiccup. And anything after that, I shouldn't be eating I'm full, I'm done. I've had enough.

Rita Black: That's so fascinating. You know, there is an actual breath that the human body takes when it has had just enough. And it's kind of a big sigh.

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: But a lot of us will just go, okay, now I'm gonna just keep on eating. You know, like we'll have that.

Paula: It, it didn't matter to me. And it didn't matter even. I mean, how awful does this sound? It didn't matter that my little pouch was getting stretched out and that it hurt. It didn't hurt that much. It didn't hurt as much as, you know, two more scoops of ice cream. It didn't hurt as much as eating that bag of potato chips. It did. And so, as a result of this program and being mindful about how much I'm eating, not even paying, you know, in the beginning, just paying attention to how much am I eating and have I had enough and now, and I know that the size of my pouch has shrunk back down to its post-surgery side. When I've had enough. I can't deny it in my brain. It's like, your stomach feels full. You have had enough, you can stop now. This is the time, stop now. And it's powerful. And it has kept me, you know, nothing else that has been such a huge help to me in releasing weight, I've had enough, I can stop.

Rita Black: Right. Right.

Paula: And I do stop. How about that?

Rita Black: That is amazing.

Paula: I actually stopped. It was

Rita Black: Amazing.

Paula: You know, the little side note is that people notice that you've stopped. And so the, so when I'm out to dinner, the waiter stops by and says, oh, you didn't like your meal. Can I get you something else? The people around you are finishing up their meals and they're looking at you and saying, don't you want, don't you wanna eat some more, you can't be finished yet. And these are even people that know that I've been trying to release weight, but it makes them uncomfortable.

Rita Black: Yes.

Paula: And so what I have learned to say is, you know, I just feel better if I eat until I'm satisfied and I really start to feel uncomfortable. If I eat more than that, I loved this food. It was delicious. But you know, I'm, I'm done. Please go ahead and you know, eat your meal.

Rita Black: Yeah. Well, that's good. That is such a gift to other people when they're in those situations, because yes, you're absolutely right. You're

Paula: And it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. Somebody's gonna say something to you.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: And you think they'd be supporter and go, wow, that's all you need to eat. No, that's not what they're saying.

Rita Black: No, they, they want you to release them from their own guilt .

Paula: Right. And Then they make, and they make comments about their own, oh, look, I ate everything on my plate. How awful.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: And I'm thinking, don't look at me for judgment.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: I'm the last person who's gonna judge what you eat.

Rita Black: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, this has been so great. So is there anything else, like I know cuz you've been out a few times socially, like any other advice you have for people socially? Cause I know you've been managing people like you've had to manage a number of situations. Right?

Paula: I have. One of the things for me that helped you had an alcohol free week or something, and it just made me think, not that I drank a lot of alcohol but do I wanna waste my calories on alcohol? Do I really wanna do that?

Rita Black: Right.

Paula: And I decided that I didn't, and what I liked instead was club soda with a little bit of cranberry juice and it makes people think you have a cocktail so that they feel better.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: And, so my cocktail intake, which was very low before, but it's pretty non-existent, it's not that I'm opposed to it, but for me, I just don't wanna waste the calories on it. And the three bite rule, which I ran into the other day, I was at an appreciation luncheon. They had these beautiful bunt cakes for each of us. And it was the three bite rule that I find that if I eat the first one and I enjoy it and then I take the second bite and it's really good. I find by the third bite, if I'm mindful that that's enough.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: I don't need the rest of it.

Rita Black: That's right. That's the three bite rules like

Paula: That. Oh, that's such a good one.

Rita Black:

Paula: And it's easy. It's it's been easy for me. It's very easy.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: And also it looks like, oh, you're having dessert with us and you there's somebody at the table that says I'll finish that if you don't want it. Okay.

Rita Black: yeah.

Paula: Be my guest.

Rita Black: It is, it's so good. Just those good listeners who don't know what the three bite rule is, like the ideas that after three bites, most foods in your mouth, they go from like 90% satisfaction to 20%. Your mouth just gets desensitized. So after that point, you're not really paying attention to the food. You're not really even enjoying it anymore. So you can enjoy...

Paula: Especially with desserts.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: I think for me, for desserts.

Rita Black: Yeah. Or really decadent side dish or something like macaroni and cheese, or French fries, or something like that.

Paula: And so through this, I don't feel like I am depriving myself. I feel I can have whatever I want. Of course the things that I want are a lot healthier for me now.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: The things that I want fit within my calorie budget, and the things that I want are a lot more protein, and the junk food that I had in the house, it's just not in my neighborhood anymore. I just don't bring it home. No sense, bringing the tiger into the cage and then you gotta take it out. No,

Rita Black: No.

Paula: it's just outta my house.

Rita Black: I love...

Paula: I Like to do that cause I'm alone.

Rita Black: Yeah. Well I love that metaphor. It's so good. We, I mean, because that is such a downfall for a lot of people, is it ends up in their house again and like, why is it there? Yeah.

Paula: Yes.

Rita Black: Yeah. You have to have a relationship with it. The time...

Paula: You know, with alcohol and drugs, you can stop and never go back to them.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: But with food, you have to take the tiger out of the cage, at least a couple of times a day and you have to manage it. It's not like you can say, okay, I'm never going to eat again. As long as I live, like you can with alcohol or drugs or so it's definitely a management issue, but it can be managed.

Rita Black: It absolutely can. And yeah, your, our trigger foods are things that we respectfully just don't need to have a relationship with, but there's a lot of yummy, amazing food out in the world we can enjoy.

Paula: Yes. Mm-hmm .

Rita Black: in modern...

Paula: And people on the, on your Facebook page are really lovely about sharing things. They come across that are delicious and things that can be prepared pretty easily. They're just so generous on that basis.

Rita Black: Yeah. They are. It's a great group.

Paula: They're very generous and very kind and never critical.

Rita Black: Yeah.

Paula: It's a very safe place.

Rita Black: Yeah. It is. It's a lovely environment and you make it lovely to Paula. I can't thank you enough for sharing your journey with us and being so vulnerable. I really appreciate everything that you've done and what a journey it's been. I mean, you've released 40 pounds since your, I mean you you've overall, you've released so much weight, but, and you look amazing and I know you're still working on yourself and working on your journey.

Paula: Mm-hmm .

Rita Black: But you've gone so far

Paula: Going from a, Going from a three X to a size 12. That's significant for me.

Rita Black: Yeah. That's amazing. That's good for you. It's been such a transformation

Paula: And I just appreciate all the help, and support, and encouragement. Not only from the people that are in the shift process, but from you. I just, I thank you so much. It's it is been life changing.

Rita Black: Well thank you.

Paula: It's been life changing.

Rita Black: Right? Well, you are an angel in many, many ways, so thank you, Paula.

Paula: You're so welcome.

Rita Black: Thank you so much, Paula. And thank you listeners for tuning in this week. I really, really appreciate you. And again, please subscribe so that you'll always get a little thin thinking and little love sent your way every week and check out the show notes for those nice freebies I've gotten there. Sugar hypnosis is free. And video coaching series called the mental, the three mental shifts to end the weight struggle once and for all. They're there, they're free. They're really great tools for you. So go grab them and I hope you enjoy them and happy June. I hope you have an amazing week. And remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door, the weight struggle is inside you. So keep listening and find it.

Rita Black: Thanks for listening to the thin thinking podcast. Did that episode go by way too fast for you? If so, and do you want to dive deeper into the mindset of long-term weight release? Head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com where you'll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release, tips, strategies, and more, and be sure to check the show notes to learn more about my book From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind For Permanent Weight Loss and to learn how to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.