Rita Black: Have you ever noticed how you tend to eat more when you're out at a social event with friends, compared to when you're dining alone? You're not imagining it. Studies suggest that people consume significantly more calories in social situations, a phenomenon known as social facilitation of eating. In fact, a key study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that people eat about 44% more calories when eating with friends compared to eating alone. Larger group sizes tend to lead to even greater food intake. This is why preparation is so important, and by preparation, I mean having a mental strategy for each social occasion. This mental prep work is 90% of your plan for success and sticking to your health goals and weight goals. It's ironic, isn't it? We spend so much time getting ready for social events, picking out the perfect outfit, doing our hair and makeup, getting our nails done, but we rarely give a thought to how we'll handle the eating and drinking part of the event. We just hope we behave ourselves or that we'll be good. But hoping to behave my friends is like taking a butter knife to a showdown. It's not enough. So let's get you prepared and armed with a solid strategy for your next social event. And I'm talking about how to prepare to manage yourself as well as those friends of yours who wanna keep plying you with food and drink as well. So grab your party favor and come on in.

Rita Black: Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn't start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That's right. The key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I'm Rita Black. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist weight loss expert, bestselling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process. And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery, I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict and binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years. Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I'll give you the thin thinking tools, skills and insights to help you develop the mindset you need, not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long-term and live your best life. Sound good? Let's get started.

Rita Black: Welcome. Come on in, take off your shoes. How are you doing? How's your month going? So many people right now are traveling and seeing family, but I am just kind of staying home this summer and kind of really loving that, not going anywhere but fun stuff around town. I mean, if you think about it, Los Angeles is a pretty cool place to just stay at home in, you know, it's a major tourist destination. So there's no lack of things to do here. You know, one thing that we did this summer that has been super great is LA has this free Friday night jazz festival at lacma, which is our, one of our bigger city museums. And they have a huge spread of grass that you can go and have a picnic on and just listen to fabulous jazz. So we've done that.

Rita Black: It's almost, I imagine it like Europe in one of those squares where everybody just kind of hangs out and listens to music. Everybody wears their nice clothes, they all look so beautiful and you know, in LA people know how to dress up. And it'cs pretty cool just to sit in, people watch, to be honest with you. And also the Shakespearean Festival, the outdoor free Shakespeare Festival. We have lots of free stuff. That is pretty cool. I mean, yeah, you can go drop a couple hundred dollars at Disneyland easy or Universal Studios, but the free stuff I find is really pretty spectacular. Our Shakespeare troop has been at it for years and they're awesome. The guy who's the leader is a British and he really knows what he's doing and I just so enjoy sitting in the park with my family. I've done it for years with my kids since they were little. Just every year, that's how they got to know Shakespeare and we just make them go and watch, do we have to go to Shakespeare? Yes you do. Now shut us up and be as good. You're gonna love with it one day. And they do now.

Rita Black: So anyway, and I've been going to lots of parties because all of my friends are turning 60 because I will be turning 60 as well. So I guess I hang out with a lot of people my own age and I am actually looking forward to turning 60. I've been pretending to be 60 all year just to get used to it, so I'm not gonna be too shocked like some of my friends have been. I was like, nope, that's not gonna happen to me. I am prepared. I have mentally been preparing to be 60 all year long and I'm kind of grooving with the idea of 60, bring in 60 back. That's my theme. So but mainly, mainly mainly the summer, I have been working on a social eating hypnosis toolkit that I have called Social Light.

Rita Black: And I wanna give props to Miss Mickey Marino who who coined that phrase so eloquently over a decade ago. She thought that up all by herself, clever, clever lady, and she was kind enough to let me use it because it just perfectly describes what we want, which is to be social and to be light. Social light. So when you work with thousands of people in the weight management world, and for decades you get to know common problemsm, and one of the biggies is social overeating and let's face it, over drinking for some. And I wanted to create a comprehensive online resource program that you could access and both learn how to be socialized, but could also use the tools before social events to prepare powerfully anytime, anywhere. And whether it's you're going to cocktail affair with friends or a big fat Greek wedding or the hot office Christmas party or just, you know, friends having you over for dinner on a Friday night.

Rita Black: The social light toolkit has you covered. I've put coaching in for before, during, and after the party, each their own separate coaching sessions because we go deep folks. There's hypnosis sessions including one for drinking less socially, creating that powerful inner social drinking boundary. There's a meditation that prepares you that morning of the event in a relaxed state and kind of walks you through the entire thing. And then there's also, which I love my little coaching, social eating huddle that you can listen to either in the car or as you're just getting ready for the event that is just a little me talking to you, getting you ready and getting you prepared for that social event, just like having a coach in the car with you but empowering you to be the social light.

Rita Black: So right now this week I am offering this because we are birthing it upon the world. And then there's an even bigger discount, more than 50% off when you bundle the social light toolkit with the emotional eating toolkit. And that is also your resource center for overcoming emotional eating. So check out the show notes, there's a link to everything.

Rita Black: So today I am gonna share with you one of the coaching sessions from social light which is the preparation for going out. The preparation tools that I really believe are the most important ones that you really need to use to mentally prepare to be successful, to manage those awkward moments when others are giving you a hard time for making healthier choices, which is pretty tricky for a lot of people and just how to get aligned with yourself to get ready to leave that event feeling social light. So I hope you enjoy, my fingers are crossed.

Speaker 2: Welcome to your preparing for social light success coaching session as a social lighter. You'll definitely want to begin to incorporate preparing for social events into your social light strategy. Now I have a saying, if you don't have a plan, the world has one for you and it isn't a slimming one. There are studies that suggest people tend to consume more calories in social situations compared to when they eat alone. The phenomenon known as social facilitation of eating has been documented in various research findings. One key study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that people eat about 44% more calories when eating with friends compared to eating alone. The study highlighted that larger group sizes generally lead to increased food intake preparation, therefore, and what I mean by that is preparing your mental strategy for each social situation is 90% of your plan for success.

Rita Black: Now, it's ironic to me at least that us ladies but also you dudes sometimes spend a lot of time getting ready for social events, getting the outfit ready, the hair, the makeup, the nails, you know what I mean? But we never give the actual social eating and drinking a thought other than, well, I hope I behave myself or I hope that I'm good. That is like taking a butter knife into a showdown, isn't it? Showing up and hoping not to over drink or overeat. If you are one who has been challenged by this in the past, simply is not going to happen. Not because of you, but because of how the mind operates. Once you show up at a social situation, LA Terrain has left the station, meaning all of your old social eating and drinking habits and behaviors are already engaged and it's nearly impossible to work against them.

Rita Black: So much of what we experience is old social beliefs and habits that run deep. Remember what I was saying in our first session, about 12% of our mind being conscious and will power part of our mind. The other 88% are beliefs and habits. These beliefs and habits are already ingrained and engaged and in the moment that we are headed into event, they are already going. In addition, we also are having to work against our reward center that is now heavily primed, anticipating the pleasure that it is expecting of indulging. Now your reward center, let me just tell you, is a bit selfish. Dopamine is the molecule of desire. This part of your mind doesn't care about you. Sorry, it doesn't, it doesn't care about your health, your weight, or any of your plans of being good. It just wants what it wants and is gonna work very hard to get it.

Rita Black: So that is why my dearest social lighter, it's important to have a pre-social strategy and mindset. Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure and even more pounds on the scale, right? So the following social prep tools will do exactly that. They're gonna help you prime your mind for success. Just like a singer warms up their voice before singing and athletes practice before the game, you need to prepare to step into your social light identity and engage in being socially light. Whether the social event you're heading to is a small one, your book club or a work event or a gathering of friends or a family shindig, or it's a big blowout like a wedding or a bat mitzvah, you can use these steps.

Rita Black: So let's dive in. So first of all, let's talk about identity. Let's just touch upon that because your plan for success means stepping into your powerful social light identity versus, well, I hope I do good because I really usually don't. You wanna plan for success. Now the good news is you have a pre-social meditation that you can listen to as well as a preparation coaching huddle that you can listen to in your car on the way to event to prime your mind for this. Both of these are located in the pre-event, mental preparation part of your toolkit and it's gonna help out a lot. But if you haven't listened to the first coaching session being social light where we dive into your creating your social light identity, please go back and do that and then continue listening to this session.

Rita Black: So, okay, let's pretend you've stepped into your social light identity. Now what do you wanna do next? You wanna create a vision. You wanna create a powerful vision of how you want to look and feel, leaving the event, looking happy and feeling light. This helps your mind connect the dots. If you think the party through and use reverse engineering from how you want to feel leaving your mind can now start to align with the behaviors that will allow you to leave. Feeling this way working backwards from the feeling you want to have. Leaving will help you activate your reticular activation system. Your reticular activation system helps you filter out anything that isn't aligned with your goals. So you can use this reverse engineering to start the next prep tool, which is creating clear goals and just FYI, you will also create a vision in your pre-social meditation session. That's why it's so important to listen to that, creating very clear social goals with food and drink before the event is incredibly powerful and worth the small amount of time that it takes. And what do I mean by creating goals? Every event is different and you'll have different amounts of preparation and knowledge and control.

Rita Black: If you are hosting the event, it will probably be the most easy because you have some control, you know what is being served. But even if you don't know what is being served or what the food and drink situation will be, by working backwards from how you want to feel, not only leaving the event but the next morning and the next time you get on the scale you will probably have a pretty fair idea of what would be a good boundary for alcoholic beverages if you drink them or even sugary beverages. Now studies show that after one alcoholic beverage, the pleasure derived from that quickly nosedives and yet many of us will continue to drink. I'm gonna read just a short passage from the molecule of more a book by Daniel Lieberman and Michael Long about dopamine and the effects of dopamine on the brain with drugs and alcohol.

Rita Black: An evening of drinking feels best at the start. The level of alcohol is rising rapidly and that feels good. It's a dopa euphoria directly related to how fast the alcohol gets into the brain. As the night goes on, though the rate of increase slows down and the dopamine turns off, euphoria gives way to drunkenness. The early stage of rising levels of alcohol might be characterized by increased energy, excitement, and pleasure. Intoxication on the other hand, is characterized by sedation, poor coordination, slurred speech and bad judgment. The speed with which alcohol gets into the brain determines how high a drinker feels. It's the total amount of alcohol consumed, regardless of whether it's fast or slow, that determines the level of intoxication. Inexperienced drinkers get the two confused. They start drinking, push their blood alcohol level up and the experience the pleasures of dopamine release then mistakenly believe that the pleasure is the pleasure of intoxication.

Rita Black: So they keep drinking more and more trying in vain to get the rush back. It ends badly, often bent over a toilet. Now we might not end up bent over a toilet, but sometimes we end up waking up the next morning full of regret and wishing we hadn't had so much to drink. So just as a rule of thumb, once we've had one drink, the return on consumption drops quickly and we are now following the initial buzz with progressive intoxication without any rewards. So thinking through your goals of when and where and how much you may want to imbibe is a decision that is actually better decided before the party. When is the best time for the drink? You may need to think this through. Is it early on or with dinner? Or maybe it's not at all. Know that alcohol on an empty stomach will increase the dopamine rush when the effects wear off the cravings for more are even more intense.

Rita Black: So never try to have that first drink on an empty stomach. As a social light learner, the more you tune in at various social events, the more you learn and will be able to come to the best conclusions. And different situations will call for different times and needs. Once you tune into this from a learner standpoint, it becomes a transformation rather than a deprivation. Again, when it comes to drink, you want to think loving boundaries, how do you want to feel leaving? And also the next day we will work on this subconsciously in the inner drinking limits hypnosis session. Now how about food? Again, let's create some loving boundaries. Obviously you do not wanna be the sad person in the corner chewing on a lettuce leaf, but you do want to think about what food feels good in your body, not just in the short term, but in the long term.

Rita Black: The mouth experience of an amazing decadent food quickly diminishes from a heady pleasure to a mindless eating situation. So boundaries around food are also about having a few bites of those more densely caloric foods and enjoying them and then moving on rather than weighing yourself down by continuing to eat it mindlessly. And it's easy to be mindless when we are talking and being social. You may or may not know what is being served, but you can use tools like the zero to 10 hunger numbers to help you pace yourself and stay mindful and slow down and enjoy what you are eating. What are the zero to 10 hunger numbers if you're not familiar with them? You wanna think of your hunger on a scale of zero to 10, zero being starving, 10 being thanksgiving stuffed full. And you probably will feel best stopping at about a five or a six on a scale of zero to 10, five or six being satisfied, but light enough to get up and dance or move around not feeling bloated or you know, super full and stuffed.

Rita Black: So what you can do with zero to 10 is start to tune into your numbers. Now, I'm gonna recommend you don't go to a party at zero. You're gonna end up then having that first drink or first eating experience, and that's going to turn on your appetite and make you want to eat more. But if you start at a one or a two, then as you're eating in the party, you can tune in to your hunger numbers and notice, oh, okay, you know, I've, I'm a few appetizers in, I'm at a two, okay, I'm sitting down to the meal, I'm at a two and I can slow down and stop just before a six. So the numbers give you a gauge, they give you a range and they give you a way to tune in to your body. Often when we're being social, we're just a neck and a head above this body that we aren't even tuning into.

Rita Black: So beginning to use the hunger numbers to tune in and be mindful, it's gonna help you quite a bit. And also within this you can use the three bite rule for those more decadent foods that you want to try, like desserts or maybe side dishes like you want to try, but you don't want to overeat them. After three bites of any decadent food, our mouth experience actually goes from 90% down to about 20%. So just focusing on those first few bites and leaving the rest or only putting a few of those decadent bites on your plate just savor them slowly and that way you can live in the real world. You're not having to just chew on a lettuce leaf, but you don't also go overboard and stuff yourself with the dense caloric food. Now having said that, you probably want to avoid entirely your trigger foods.

Rita Black: So another prepping tool is to plan to abstain from your trigger foods and or drinks. Now what do I mean by a trigger food? Well, a trigger food is a food that if you begin eating it's very hard for you to stop. For some people it's crispy, salty foods like chips or crackers. For some people it's desserts, more sugary foods. So for some people it's both. Most of us have specific foods that if we eat one, it's sort of a gateway drug and we'll eat it and then that will trigger our brain now then to just kind of become more of an eating machine and then we'll just start eating everything. So staying away from our trigger food and drinks will be really, really helpful for you. And again, you may not exactly know what your trigger foods are now, but if you go the next time you go to a social event and if you overeat a specific food, rest assured that's probably a trigger food for you and that can go on your list of trigger foods and I'm sure you know what it feels like to keep eating.

Rita Black: You and I have both been there and I don't think we ever wanna be there again. So just steer clear. I learned early on, for instance, sugary cocktails were like Kool-Aid for me and I could drink them down and just keep drinking them and then of course feel horrible the next day. So I learned to never have a cocktail or anything that had sugar in it. I, if I was gonna drink a harder spirit, I would have it with a club soda or I would just have a glass of wine or a beer. Those things I can manage really easily. Those other ones, it's very hard for me to stop at one or two. So definitely you're gonna learn through time, but think that through before you head to the party. And if you track calories or points or carbs, that's also a consideration.

Rita Black: You might have specific calorie or points or carbohydrate goals that you wanna think through ahead of time. And obviously it goes without saying that probably light foods, like green foods, the salads, the vegetables are going to be your best friend. You, they'll fill you up and keep you energized. And also protein is gonna stabilize you, especially if you are drinking. So remember the idea is that you are creating your amazing social experience, not just hoping it will happen. You are not a victim, you are a social lighter. So another tool would be to bring something healthy if it's a party, food is always welcome. I have never had a host be mad at me for bringing a salad or acru a tape platter. I've become known as the salad queen and I am happy to oblige as a social lighter. You can be the leader of health without even opening your mouth.

Rita Black: Helping others be healthy is usually secretly appreciated. Many people pull me aside and thank me for bringing a healthy choice. If hosts want to give everyone the heavy pleasure foods thinking we'll make everybody love them. But we're vulnerable and feeling bad about ourselves. For overindulging, people will secretly think you are a hero by bringing something healthy and usually your dish will be the first to go. I had a student mention to me that she went to a Christmas party and she was concerned about all the different co Christmas cookies and Christmas foods going to be there. So she took red apples and green apples and cut them into wedges and arranged them really beautifully on a platter and sprinkled them with cinnamon and put toothpicks in them and took them to the party. And that platter of apples was the first to go. It was a huge hit.

Rita Black: So think creatively and think about how everybody actually might be feeling like you like they want a lighter choice, like they also want to be social light. Now if it's a wedding or something where it might not be appropriate to bring something, make sure to eat something before you leave. Have some protein to stabilize you so that you don't go too hungry. And like I said earlier, usually I do this no matter what the event, I have some Greek yogurt or some hummus and celery or hard boiled egg or some cottage cheese, a hundred calories or so ahead of time, it's gonna save you thousands in the long run. Believe me, I've tested this and so of many hundreds of my students, when we are too hungry, it becomes almost impossible to make healthy choices and pace yourself. Your blood sugar is tanked and it will take a very long time for your satiety to set in.

Rita Black: Mix that with alcohol on an empty stomach and you have a perfect storm for overeating. Do not fear asking for what you need. Ask for double vegetables instead of the carb or more salad. There may be other unhealthier and more decadent choices going on with the people around you, but when you are clear on your goals, it's easier to stay within your loving and self-created boundaries and stay aligned with how you want to feel leaving the party. The secret is they will probably regret their choices later. You may think that they get to eat all this yummy food and that they're lucky, but you don't know their story. Most people cannot eat or drink and get away with it. Think about how they're gonna feel the next day. You have chosen this path for a reason. So be proud of yourself and proud of your choices. Take a social light breath and stay aligned with who you want to be. This is for you, it isn't about them.

Rita Black: Okay, the next part of your prep. What are your goals beyond food and drink? What is this event about for you? Who do you want to connect with? This is the real reason for the social event after all. Right? For me, it always helps to think about the people who will be there and what is the social building and relationship building opportunity. This really can help you focus on the true reason for the event. I am a shy person and when I struggled with my weight, I hid in the food, I would be a line for the food and just focus on that. If I was sitting at a couch with other people and a thing of chips was in front of me, I would focus on the chips instead of the conversation. But when I started focusing on using social events just to learn more about other people, what they care about, what makes them tick, what is their bucket list in life, not only did it stop me from feeling self-conscious, I really started to learn way more and make deeper connections.

Rita Black: So by doing this, social events became a time to be social and not just about food or drink. In fact, the more we drink, the more fuzzy our connections become and our inability to express our true selves. And the same with food. It just declines the more as we feel more full and we're focusing on what we just ate and feeling bad about ourselves and not being present and joyful, how can we when we're beating ourselves up internally for overindulging? So many of my students love this shift in focus. It's so important to remember that beyond food and drink are other human beings and also other things like the ambience of the event, the music, the atmosphere, and maybe even dancing. And when you shift your focus, the food and drink can start to move its way into the background of your mind rather than being the star of the event.

Rita Black: Now next you want to have strategies for challenges. Every social situation will have challenges and it's helpful to think through your strategy for dealing with various challenges ahead of time. We will be looking through some strategies for social challenges in your next social eating coaching session. But for now, for the preparation, you wanna think possible challenges through along with solutions before you go to the event. Think of it like practicing like an athlete for a game. They have different plays for different scenarios that unfold ahead of time. If you practice in your mind ahead of time, the chance that you will be able to respond in a new and powerful way instead of the old habitual way will increase substantially. Think of the social situation you will be in and then think through when you are vulnerable. In those situations this will probably vary among different types of events for you, the more you practice being social light, the more you will tune into your vulnerable times without being critical but curious, wondering what was going on before, during, and after.

Rita Black: These times every social event allows you to learn and become more clear of your vulnerable moments, impossible ways to avoid them or solve them so that over time those moments fade into social eating confidence. But for now, definitely think through your vulnerable moments. Now let's talk about the big blue elephant or should I say the big blue herd of elephants in the room and that is your social saboteurs. My guess, when you think of challenges, one of those challenges will probably be the other people you will be with. You definitely want to think through who the other people are that you will be with at the social event and what challenges being in this social eating situation with them will bring. We have many different relationships with many different types of people, friends, family, coworkers, strangers, and much, much more. In many cases we have a specific way of behaving with specific people, drinking, eating, certain things.

Rita Black: And because of this there are subconscious habits, expectations and beliefs at play that run deep and differently depending on who you are with and need to be thought through and prepared for. So you might ask, how do I go about making healthy choices and being social light with these people? Maybe you feel shy or embarrassed that they will say something, you have been on diets before and they have embarrassed you or poked fun. This can make you feel anxious to be healthy with your friends. Making healthy choices can make you feel vulnerable around people that are used to you behaving in a particular way. They can make us feel exposed, bring up our shame about our weight struggle. Maybe we think it's easier to do what they are doing and not rock the boat. But because you are shifting your identity, you are coming to this not from shame but from power.

Rita Black: You don't have to announce your decision to eat or drink less. You can be your decision. Start being the person who shows up and advocates for yourself. This will be so much easier if you practice in your mind ahead of time how you might deal with comments or pressure. It is important to remember in all social situations there are two sides of the street, yours and theirs. If you are clear with yourself on who you are and the kinds of choices you want to make and how you will feel lighter and healthier, more confident leaving the situation, this vision is on your side of the street. You can love it, own it and protect it and advocate for it. It is so easy to become codependent with other people's needs for you to be your old self. But if you go in aligned with yourself and who you are and your choices, you will be way more prepared to begin to train your friends and family on how to be with the healthy social light.

Rita Black: You. There are some people who are used to indulging with you who may feel threatened or sad that you're not joining in. You need to know this really isn't about you, it's about them. You need to think like a social anthropologist when it comes to the behavior of others around your food choices and drink choices and social events. We are social beings and when somebody in the cave changes some behavior, the other cavemen grunt. But the more you understand from a psychological perspective what is going on with them, the easier it is for you. Not only to stay true to being social light, but also to help shift their expectations and get aligned with you as well. And maybe even do some shifting for themselves. Because often when somebody is brave enough to make a healthy step forward, others will follow. My hope is that others in your life that notice you making healthy choices and behaving in a social light fashion are supportive and helpful.

Rita Black: But sometimes alas, there will be others who may comment, try to pressure you to make unhealthy choices or even sabotage you go on, we're all doing it. You only live once. I made this, especially for you. You look great. Just indulge yourself. These are all meant in good spirit. But you need to know that they are saying this not really for your benefit. They're saying it because their need to keep the status quo is locked tight into that 88% of their subconscious. They need to keep the social order unchanged because our brains all want things to stay the same. Even your friends and family who deep down really want the best for you in these social situations, it's more important for their reality to stay the way it has always been, rather than for you to be healthy. Not because they're bad or selfish, but because that same brain that we all know so well now clings to the familiar over the years that you have been together with these people, their brain has gotten familiar with your behaving along with them in a familiar social pattern.

Rita Black: So their brain will try to keep things the way it has been trained. Hey, you love my dessert. Hey, we always drink a bottle of wine together. You love it when I bring bagels to work, don't you? So in these situations and on the path to becoming social light within your friends and family and social groups, you may see on the other side of the street, some of the people in your cave dealing with their feelings of your trail blazing a new path forward. And it may present itself in different ways with different people. Some obvious and some not so obvious. But underneath it all, what you are seeing is their fear. Their fear of change, their fear of loss of the old and familiar, their fear that if you change, you may leave the cave. Their fear of being judged for wanting to make unhealthy choices.1

Rita Black: Their fear that you think you are better than them. Sometimes if the host is offering you a special dish they made, you may say no and they may feel like you're rejecting them because they're offering a food in their mind. Is love and an extension of their love to you or there need to be admired or accepted. It's no wonder we want to revert back to our old ways and not rock the boat. But you cannot let fear theirs or yours get in the way of you creating a longer, stronger and healthier life for yourself. I would also suggest you do not want to react to their fear or attempts to sabotage you with getting mad or pissy or feeling like you are their victim. You are not. You need to take 100% responsibility for your journey and your decision to be social light. You're nobody's victim.

Rita Black: Being a victim ends up being poor me, poor me, poor me, another cosmopolitan. And where are those fried chicken wings? We don't want that. You are a powerful and strong social light warrior. Yes, you trained their brains in the past. Take a responsibility for it. It's not that you're bad, but you train their brains. So now you are gonna retrain their brains. You have to accept at some point that their brains got trained and you liked the food they offered and the drinks they poured, they got used to it and they're just trying to repeat history. But you are now changing the future rather than repeating history. So here is my top strategy for helping them change. Give them a hamburger, soft bun meat, soft bun. What are you saying? Well, if you're my student, you know about the hamburger technique. It's a powerful technique to ask others for change and it gets them out of defensive mode.

Rita Black: It their brains to be open to shifting into the mindset that you're asking. So basically the idea is like a hamburger soft bun meat, soft bun. So start with the soft bun and be loving with them. Acknowledge and appreciate them and the moment this connects you to them and lets them know you love and appreciate them and what food and drink that they are offering you touches your heart. Oh wow, I really appreciate you and what you're offering. Or I love being with you guys. You know, we all hang out and this is my favorite thing we do. What this does is it softens their defensive mechanism. Now you are saying something loving. It opens them up, it connects your heart to their heart. Now their minds are more open to maybe hear what you have to say. This is the meat. Make the request or say what you need to advocate for yourself.

Rita Black: But importantly, keep this on your side of the street and steer clear from saying, I'm on a diet or you are serving me fattening food. Focus on how you want to feel and that you are trying to feel better communicating that with them. I'm trying to feel better and make better choices. And some things that I used to eat or drink I have learned, don't agree with me. Or if I eat certain things I notice I don't feel good the next day or I don't sleep at night. Now people can always argue against a diet, but they find it much more understandable if you're just trying to feel good and take care of yourself. And then lastly, give them the bottom soft bun. Give them permission because that is what they want. Your being healthy in that moment isn't about you, it's about your actions making them feel bad or guilty for the choices they are making or want to make.

Rita Black: So let them off the hook. You guys, go ahead, please eat that or drink that. You know how much I love it. It's just that if I have it, I'm gonna feel horrible tomorrow. You don't need to say horrible like bad because you overate or drank. You can just make it about health. I just need to make a different choice right now. Remind them how much you love and appreciate them as well, because really deep down that is what they want to feel connected to you. I love that we're all having a good time and that being with you is so great. I'm so glad to be here with you. And then change the subject. Just move on and ask them a question about themselves to get their mind off of talking about you and your choices and moving on to the next thing.

Rita Black: And also another thing that actually can open a door further is to ask for their support in these types of situations. Hey guys, yeah, I really need to be healthier. You know, I, I love eating X, Y, Z but it isn't making me feel good. So can you support me? 'cause It's kind of hard for me not to make that choice. I really need to make the healthier choice. Sometimes it's great to let your friends or family know ahead of time that you're making some health changes and ask for support. People love to help, they want to be of service, they want you to love them, but you need to ask and not show up and be a victim of their fear or old ideas. So take some time before situations where you're going to be social with other people and consider how they may respond so that you can prepare your hamburger ahead of time. Also, we will go through your saying no thank you to these people and have different responses that you can have in both your preparation, coaching, huddle that you can practice ahead of time in the car on your way to the event.

Rita Black: And we also have a whole meditation session for social saboteurs that will help you respond powerfully in these situations. You stick to your social light guns and soon those around you will start to support you in positive changes that you are making. And who knows, I have had many students become leaders of health movements in their offices, their homes, their churches and book groups and families. When you decide to be healthy and be brave, you become a leader of yourself and others. So I hope you now see my dear social lighter. That preparation is a huge part of your new healthy social strategy. So to review your pre-social strategy, remember your social light identity. Create a vision of how you want to feel and who you want to be leaving that event. And work backwards from that. Think through your drink goals and your food goals and strategies, your boundaries and think of what this event is about beyond the food.

Rita Black: What are some social goals that you want to create? Have a plan and that you can be aligned with and bring something healthy and never go in starved. Have something before you go. If possible, think through your friends and family's responses and think through your hamburger and also look in the mirror and practice saying, no, thank you. Alright, great job preparing. Now it's time to party. Okay, well great. I hope you left that event feeling light and aligned with yourself or ready to go out and have a good time and wake up tomorrow. Bright-Eyed and bushy tailed. And I hope you found all of those tools helpful if you want that all deep dive coaching. The hypnosis sessions, the meditation, the, there's also a meditation session. I didn't mention this for those social saboteurs. It it helps you practice in your mind saying no thank you.

Rita Black: In fact, we go through a lot of different phrases in that meditation on, you know, no thank you, I'm feeling full, because it is really important to practice that mental muscle of saying no thank you and get past that feeling weird and awkward about it. So the more you practice it in your own mind, the easier it is to say out loud in the world. So definitely check out the link in the show notes, get that discount. It's only gonna be around for a week or so, just a little over a week. And that's it for today. Have a great week. I've enjoyed being here with you today, at our social event. And remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you. So keep listening and find it. Have a great week. I will see you here next week. Thanks for listening to The Thin Thinking Podcast.

Rita Black: Did that episode go by way too fast for you? If so, and do you wanna dive deeper into the mindset of long-term weight release? Head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com. That's www.shiftweightmastery.com, where you'll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release tips, strategies, and more. And be sure to check the show notes to learn more about my book from Fat to Thin Thinking. Unlock Your Mind for Permanent Weight Loss and to learn how to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.