There is an innocent seeming self-speak phrase that many people use as a way to motivate themselves–to get refocused on their weight loss. It seems like the perfect thing to say to yourself–and yet it can be incredibly self-sabotaging.
The way we speak to ourselves really is the difference between continuing to struggle or finally finding success.
We can play around with diet and exercise all we want–but the key to true success lies in our inner communication.
I know you know this and that is why in this week’s episode I dive deep on this self-speak phrase–hoping that you will never use it again AND that you will pick up some tools that will upgrade that inner communication system.
Curious–join me for the 69th episode of Thin Thinking Podcast and discover not only not what to say to yourself but what to say to yourself to create lasting change with your weight management journey.
In This Episode, You'll Learn:
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Rita Black: I hear it all the time from students and clients. This one phrase can take away your power and focus your mind in the wrong way, which can totally sabotage your weight results. Want to know more? Well, come on in to the thin thinking podcast and get your curiosity quenched.
Rita Black: Did you know that our struggle with weight doesn't start with the food on your plate or get fixed in the gym? 80% of our weight struggle is mental. That's right, the key to unlocking long-term weight release and management begins in your mind. Hi there, I'm Rita Black. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, weight loss expert, best-selling author, and the creator of the Shift Weight Mastery Process. And not only have I helped thousands of people over the past 20 years achieve long-term weight mastery, I am also a former weight struggler, carb addict, and binge eater. And after two decades of failed diets and fad weight loss programs, I lost 40 pounds with the help of hypnosis. Not only did I release all that weight, I have kept it off for 25 years. Enter the Thin Thinking Podcast where you too will learn how to remove the mental roadblocks that keep you struggling. I'll give you the thin thinking tools, skills, and insights to help you develop the mindset you need. Not only to achieve your ideal weight, but to stay there long-term and live your best life. Sound good. Let’s get started.
Rita Black: Welcome, welcome, welcome! And come on in to the thin thinking podcast. I am feeling very joyful this week and I hope you are too. I just wanna send so much love out to the thin thinking community, just sending like really good vibes out there to all of you all over the world. We just keep getting more and more listeners from places all over the world. It's so exciting to look on the world map and the software I have that, you know, I put my podcast on, tells me, and I get to see people from all over the world, New Zealand and Australia and the Philippines and Malaysia and Vietnam and China and India and the middle east and, all over Europe and Canada. And I mean just, Argentina and Chile. I mean, it's so exciting. So I really embrace all of you from all over the world, and hope that you find this podcast helpful to you.
Rita Black: I'm also feeling joyful this week because I think I've recovered from my jet lag from my travels and kind of caught up with everything. You know, you go away and even it's, you call it vacation, but I mean, for me, I still tune in and I plug in
Rita Black: Now, the one of the things that I loved is our tomato crop because when I left, they were all green little things growing and I came back and they're this just beautiful. Especially compared to last year, it's an abundant, abundant tomato crop. Now, why was it better? Well, I learned from what didn't work from last year, I learned about, like last year we had a crappy, crappy tomato crop. I mean, it was just depressing how bad last year was. I think I got five, you know, you spend a lot of time and you know, water is scarce here in California, you water those plants. You're like, you better do something. And they just did not produce. So I was like, okay, you know, I didn't take it too personally. And I didn't take it out on the tomatoes. And I said, there's something amiss here. And I learned about the soil, I got a little more savvy about soil and the balance of nitrogen and phosphorus and also when to water and when not to water with tomatoes, cuz it's a little bit of a fine black art. But you know, really, really the point is it, we learn from our mistakes if we allow ourselves too. And it, and because last year was such a bummer of a tomato crop. I had to get curious and humble and be open to learning what I didn't know. And it's hard to kind of see yourself as somebody who's not a great, you know, who didn't produce a great tomato crop. You have to kind of, you know, see yourself and maybe a humbler light than you would like to.
Rita Black: So, you know, I, you see, I could have said, I am just gonna go back to doing what I did the year before last year, because the year before last year's tomato crop, was a good crop. But honestly, and here's the thing, I didn't know what made that tomato crop good. I planted the tomatoes and I watered them and, but I thought I did the exact same thing last year as well. So why was one great and why was one a bust? So I had to dive deeper and get curious and doing and doing so learned more and got more clear on what worked and what didn't, which allowed me to grow. Not only a beautiful and bountiful crop this year, the best yet, but now even better than all of those tomatoes, I'm gonna be eating and making a Gazpacho from and chopped tomato salad and, you know, sliced tomatoes and diced tomatoes and marinara. And giving a lot away. But I am also confident from all I learned that I, yes me, I can consistently grow a healthy crop next year and the next year and the next, because I wasn't relying on the luck of the crop, but learned how to create a powerful tomato crop by using soil, knowing about the sun, what my garden needed, the watering, all of those things mixed together. It took me tuning in and getting curious and figuring things out. And I bet you are beginning to see what today's thin thinking mastery lesson is tied up in with this and you're right. You're like, I hope you're getting just something other than tomatoes, Rita, because, let's cut to the chase.
Rita Black: Well, okay. So you see over the years that I've been in my practice and you know, seen thousands of people. I notice many people using a self sabotaging phrase when, when they come to see me, especially for the first time and that phrase is I just have to get back to being good. I just have to get back to being good. I have been trying, but I can't seem to get myself back. The crazy thing is I know what to do. If I can just get back to doing it, it will all be fine. Get back to being good, getting back to being good, every a very, very innocent statement seeming it may make sense. There was a time in our memory when we were being so good. We were eating right, we were exercising, we were focused and losing weight. So get back to that place. It seems like the logical solution.
Rita Black: So first of all, let's look at why is getting back to being good, so seductive. So when we see ourselves out of control and overeating, binge eating, gaining weight, it's hard to be present to that. You know what I mean? It's really hard to be present to overeating, binge eating and gaining weight, our brain, our mind just, doesn't like to sit with seeing ourselves doing that. Just like me with the tomato crop from the year before, it's hard to see yourself in a lesser light and it's, and it doesn't like to sit in the pain and chaotic feeling, seeing ourselves out of control. So what does our powerful, amazing mind do? It will time travel back to a time when we were in control. Our mind cannot separate fantasy from reality. When we live in our past good behavior with food and exercise, we see ourselves in that thinner weight and focus on that memory and it floods our limbic system with lovely neurotransmitters and we just feel momentarily good. Ah, but I was being good. That was so good when I was being good. But here is the rub. We can't go back. Really. And when we tried to go back by depriving ourselves and rigidly trying to relive the past, nine times outta 10, it is short-lived and unsuccessful. Why? Reason one, well, we can't go back. We just cannot relive the past. We can in our memories, but our mind is here, here in the present. It actually does much better moving forward than going back. It just doesn't get it. Be good. You know, we're saying to ourselves, be good like we were back then. Okay. And our brain is like, ahh, ehhh, hmm. And pretty much we'll keep doing the same habits and behaviors that are keeping you struggling. Haven't you noticed that come on, brain, go back to being good. Ahhh, I, I just don't get that. You can, sorry. I'm just gonna keep you doing what you're doing right now.
Rita Black: So think about like, let's look at it a different way. Think about like having a boyfriend that was a really hot and you know, like you had a really hot and heavy romance with this guy and it was really great for a while, but then things went south and you broke up. Now in the present, you think back to maybe some of the pleasant memories, the hot romance, the how sweet he was in the beginning. And you forget the end, when he was a jerk and he was asking you for money and not paying you back. And when he was like putting you down and maybe you get back together with him because you're focused on that pleasant memory, but immediately the things that broke you up in the first place are still there. Plus the romance is gone because he can't go back.
Rita Black: So here is something to consider and maybe you were being good in the past. You know, maybe you were being really good in the past, but something obviously happened and you got off track. So whatever was going on in the past, ultimately didn't work out for you. Sorry to say it. But you know, you didn't take it off and you didn't ke, I mean, you took it off, but maybe you didn't keep it off. So it may work to a certain degree, but it didn't work in the long term. Many people will say, that so and so diet was so great for me. And I lost so much weight, but then you gained it back. I point out the diet maybe helped you lose weight, but you're thinking didn't change. And so you gained the weight back. So ultimately, that so and so diet didn't work out so well, does this make sense? We romanticize the past, but we've got to get real and shift our thinking here in the present. Look, I am not saying that you can't learn from what worked well in the past. And we are gonna talk about that in just a moment, but stop trying to get back to the past, get present here. It's much more powerful and will be much more successful for you in the long run for long term success. We need to be here and now, agreed? And we need to use our mind the way it likes to be used, creating a powerful journey forward from the present moment.
Rita Black: Okay. So let's talk about the present because I get it. When we have been overeating and off track, being with ourselves in the present may be painful. Lots of chaotic thinking, lots of self criticism mixed in with, with I am being so bad. I might as well screw it thinking, right? So let's just take a breath, the breath I hear you. And here's the thing that it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and acknowledged where you are. Even when it doesn't look so nice, just like me with that bad crop of tomatoes. But the moment that you do acknowledge and own where you are not critically, not rebelliously, but lovingly, and with self respect, you actually begin to calm right down. And your mind is able to think creatively here in the present, you start to open up whole new, not new, but a whole powerful part of your mind that wasn't accessible to you when you were trying to go into the past, especially when you were in pain and trying to go into the past with that pleasant memory.
Rita Black: This is when I like to encourage clients to tune into their inner coach. A coach will look at what's going on with a learning eye, with an evaluating eye, with an observant eye and see, truly see what is working and what is not. And then, and only then can they begin to come up with an idea for moving forward and committing to a goal and a vision. Okay, so we've gained 10 pounds. We have not been focused with healthy eating for a few months. We have not been moving. Okay. I can own this. And I can love myself and forgive myself and respect myself and believe that I can now move forward from here, creating a way of taking care of myself consistently, because what I have been doing, isn't working and it isn't taking care of me once you are here. This is a great time to create a vision of you not just having released weight three months from now or six months from now or a year from now, but being healthy self-loving and confident in that vision from the vision you are giving birth to an identity of a healthier you that you're beginning to move towards and embody. This is about your evolving yourself and your life forward from where you are today with love and respect, not reaching into the past. And if you want to learn more about creating powerful visions, check out episode 49 to list to learn how to do that, because I go into great depth there and we actually practice making visions. So if you want to couple this session with creating some visions, check out episode 49.
Rita Black: Okay. Now let's talk about when you were being so good, because now we're gonna start to look back now that you've got your vision. Now that you've gotten clear where you are and you've, you're starting to create an idea of yourself, a vision that you're pulling yourself forward to. Let's talk about when you were being good. And first of all, when you are trying to be good, your brain really doesn't understand what the hell you are talking about, being good, being good. Okay. Well, what is good? What does that mean? We need to be a bit more specific with the brain or else haven't you noticed it'll just keep doing what it's used to doing. And that might look a lot like being bad. So I don't really like using the term being good or being bad because, One, the brain just really doesn't get it. They're kind of umbrella terms for more specific things. But it's not useful to use this language with your mind. You need to think of your mind like a computer, because now that you are moving forward and loving yourself in the present and creating a powerful future, I have no problem with your going into the past to learn from it and turn that memory of being good into observing specific behaviors and actions that you're repeating at the time that were reaping you, the results that you wanted, but you were not being good. Okay. You were doing specific things at specific times and you are also being consistent, being focused, being committed and probably being organized. And we can bring some of those things, those behaviors, those actions into the future that work for you and begin building upon them. So go, so go look into the past and ask yourself in that time, what were you being? So go into the past and ask yourself in that time that you were being so called good. How, what were you specifically doing in your life that added to your success? Chances are you were doing many things, maybe it was a time when you had time to prepare meals or exercise after work, or you had a class at the gym that you liked to go to. Maybe you had a structure like you were in school, or you were, you were, at a job that had a structure to it. Or maybe you had no structure and you were between jobs and you had a lot of time. What were the circumstances that allowed you to have that focus and to be able to really release the weight, just get specific.
Rita Black: Good. And now look at your life. Now what's similar and what's different. Chances are your life has changed and you may need to set yourself up for success a little differently, or you may need to say no to some things that you are doing to make way for being healthy. I cannot tell you how many people I work with will say, I'm trying to go back to being good. And then when I ask them about the time in their lives, that they were being good, their lives were completely different than they are now. They actually had more time or they were really focused because something was driving them like a wedding or a birthday or turning 40, or they were in between jobs or they weren't stressed. And when they think about the inspiration they have now, and there is none, they just wanna be good. Or they look at their current lives and their current lives are full of obligations or in a new job or kids that they didn't have back in that time when they were being so good or their kids are at different stages in their life, or they are at a different stage or they are in menopause, or they currently have a physical issue. They didn't have back in that past. We are a different person now than we were in the past. And that is another reason why we can't go back, but we must create a new vision moving into the future that embodies where we are starting from right now. And respects who we are in the moment, right now. And also look at your life currently and ask, what do I need to set myself up for success? Look at your time, look at your schedule, look at the people in your life. How are they supporting you? It doesn't have to be perfect to get started, but realize that setting yourself up for success, like planning every week, having a specific goal, making time for exercise, having the people in your life support you are all going to add to your life and to your success.
Rita Black: Also, while we are in the past, looking for specifics, let's look at the way you were feeding yourself, that worked. How were you feeding yourself steadily over the day? Were you fasting certain times? How much protein were you eating? When were you eating carbs? What were the meals that allowed you to feel stabilized and nourished? Looking at the specific ways of eating that worked while not being rigid can be helpful for you to build a successful way of eating in the present. How much energy were you consuming a day? What kind of portions were you allowing yourself that allowed you to release the weight? How much exercise? Now, of course you are gonna have to make adjustments, but I'm just saying you can look to the past for clues of what worked. I'm not saying you need to feed yourself rigidly, like you were back then or, um, do the exact same diet, but we typically find patterns and trends that work for us. And Hey, those things can work for you now in the present and you can own them rather than having them belong to some diet and begin to have them create a way of eating that works for you, that you have ownership over.
Rita Black: Here is something else to note. If we've been overeating carbs here in the present, the pleasure center in our brain and our blood sugar insulin may need to be stabilized or healed in order to move forward comfortably. If we've been overeating gacky food, eating healthy may not seem very appealing. It may actually seem gross. So we have to think of feeding ourselves, healthy fats, veggies, and proteins, and whole foods as a healing process. Because within a very few days, those that healthy food will be the preferred food of your body and your brain, but we need to flip the switch. And sometimes that requires by being focused and just saying, I am focusing on eating healthy food the next couple of days, just to stabilize our myself, because when we're overeating carbs, our brain tend to look, you know, frown upon the healthier choices, like the salads and the vegetables and, the healthy choices. Haven't you noticed that. And then haven't you noticed that when you're eating super healthy, um, eating the gacky food doesn't seem so appealing. It's a weird phenomena, but it went to flip that switch by making those healthy choices by stabilizing yourself, it becomes a lot easier to eat in a way that allows you to thrive.
Rita Black: The same for exercise, as with food. Sometimes we need to transition into exercise. Many times people look at themselves in the past with exercise and see that they were jogging five miles a day or working out the gym six times a week for an hour. And they try to start off at that level in the present and they get overwhelmed and stop. Sometimes we have to start where we're at and build up again. And maybe the exercise of the past, isn't gonna work for your present life. You need to create a path forward that feels doable and exciting to your mind. Not scary, not overwhelming, or like a torture, maybe even starting with 15 minutes of exercise a day in building up. I know it's hard to be here in the moment, exercising less when we have this memory of our fabulousness with exercise, but sometimes we just have to be courageous and vulnerable and be where we are and love ourselves. And we are enough. No, we are enough as we are even exercising 10 minutes a day.
Rita Black: We don't like to seem less to ourselves, but in my mind, and hopefully in your mind, you, aren't less, you are courageously beginning a new routine that will build into something sustainable and true to you today and into your healthy exercise filled future.
Rita Black: Okay, so let's review. We cannot go back to being good. We need to begin where we are and create a powerful, sustainable, healthy life with self-respect here and now in the present, we need to create a vision that excites us a vision of the healthy and powerful person we are currently evolving into. We can create specific weekly weight release and health goals and create plans around them, setting our current life up for success. We can go into the past for specific ideas about what worked for us with food and exercise and bring some ideas, behaviors, and actions, and implement them into our current way of living, taking what works and leaving the rest, not holding ourselves to rigid good bad standards, but looking at things as an inner scientist, observing what works and building on that and phasing out and letting go of the things that don't work for us this way.
Rita Black: We stop living in the past and start loving ourselves in the present and creating a life we love and value that allows us to consistently release weight and then be able to maintain our weight over time. Okay. So I hope this has been helpful. Like I said, it's a lot like gardening, getting your life set up for success is a, like getting the right balance of soil and the right amounts of foods and exercise. It's like watering and fertilizing and then not giving up. Even when things look bad, keeping going, learning, and loving yourself and nurturing yourself growing and blooming and becoming your best you season after season, year after year. And if you have any ideas for episodes, please let me know. I wanna know what you want and need, because I think you're pretty cool. And I love our thinking communities. So thank you for being a part of it. There's a link and show notes for you to give me your ideas. So have an amazing week. And remember that the key and probably the only key to unlocking the door of the weight struggle is inside you. So keep listening and find it.
Rita Black: Thanks for listening to the thin thinking podcast. Did that episode go by way too fast for you? If so, and do you want to dive deeper into the mindset of long-term weight release? Head on over to www.shiftweightmastery.com where you'll find numerous tools and resources to help you unlock your mind for permanent weight release, tips, strategies, and more, and be sure to check the show notes to learn more about my book From Fat to Thin Thinking: Unlock Your Mind For Permanent Weight Loss and to learn how to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss an episode.
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